Chapter 17: Miss May May ​

On a Saturday night in April, as I was driving home from work, I noticed that I was low on fuel. So I pulled over to the gas station on State Line to fuel up.

It is customary (or was) to go to a fast food place on my way to work, grab a burger or taco, and eat it in my car before I got out of my car to go clock in. So, I was looking at all of the trash in my passenger side floorboard in my car.

As I turned the pump on to pump the gas, I heard that little tug in my heart say, "Now is a great opportunity to grab that trash and get rid of it so you can have room to take someone to church tomorrow." I knew and recognized God’s voice.

I said, "Excuse me? How long has it been since You gave me the opportunity to take someone to church with me? It is 10 o’clock tonight already and You think I'm going to have a passenger in the morning?"

God said, "I Am God.When I tell you to do something, you shouldn't doubt me. Look what it got Jonah."​

I said, "You are sure right. Yes, sir." And I cleaned out my car.

The next morning, I'm thinking I might sleep in. But, when I woke up I was wide awake. So, I hopped in the shower, threw on some sweats, and was thinking about going straight to Walmart, not knowing what time it was. I stepped outside and saw my neighbor, May May, pulling weeds out of the sidewalk cracks, with earbuds in her ears.​

I looked at my phone to see what time it was. It was 10 minutes until time for church to start. I said,"Yes, Lord."

"May May! Would you like to go to church with me?"

She looked up, pulled her earbuds out of her ears and said immediately, "Yes, ma'am, I sure would!"

I said, "I am leaving right now!"

When she got into my car, I asked her if her "husband" knew she was coming with me. She said,

"I don't have a husband, or man, or anything anymore." She continued with, "I caught him smoking crack in my house and I threw him out. Maybe now I can pay my bills."

Yep. I testified to her on the way to church. You bet I did! LOL

So, we get to church, and Brother Matthew preached about Jonah and the boat. I refuse to think that that was a coincidence. The Big Question of the day was "Is there a Jonah in your life today that you need to toss overboard?" or "Are you Jonah?"

May May was so blessed by the sermon and the Praise and Worship time. She was amazed at the kids. But she felt that God was talking to her that morning.

On the way home, she said, "I was sitting there just listening to KLUV , trying to talk to God, see if I could get my own worship on, because I don't have a car...and it was like God was asking me if I wanted to go to church when you asked. I got there, and it's like, 'Girl I got something I want to say to you...'"

All I know is I might still ask why, but I ain't gonna tell my God no. Especially when He reminds me who is God.

I went to church with May May because I didn't want to be Jonah. Then, I listened to a sermon about Jonah! What a blessing!

May came to church with me as often as she could after that, until she moved away.

One day,  I went outside for a few minutes before I started my car to go to work. Me and Miss May May were conversing. She said she had been telling her neighbor friends about our church and what we were going to be doing this Sunday. She said they had lots of questions, were curious about us.

She explained to them that we were the most loving church that she had ever experienced, that when you walk in the door you feel the Spirit so thick you can almost cut it with a knife.

She asked me if they might go with us tomorrow and I told her, "Of course! As long as I have room in my car, they are welcome!" She came back a few minutes later and said, "They are going!"

I was so excited! Miss May May was serving Jesus right where she was, because I listened to God that Saturday night at the gas station!

Over the next few months, I watched Miss May May change from a lady who was going down the wrong lonely path into a lady who surrounded herself with people who loved Jesus. I couldn't have asked for God to bless me more.

Through Miss May May, I got to know my neighbors Sean and Rose. Sean and Rose just moved here and really had nothing to start with. I helped them out by showing them where they could get help with groceries and other necessities. I took them sightseeing out to the lake for the first time, as they had never seen it before.

One day when I came home from work, I found a giant zucchini on my door. They had an abundance and decided to bless me with some of it. They even expressed that when they moved to Indiana they planned​ to adopt me and carry me with them. Of course, I turned them down.

One Saturday morning in July, I decided to go and visit the "Church Under the Bridge" for the first time. It was a place that catered to the homeless in our city. Brother Cody Howard was the pastor who had a heart for the homeless. When he wasn't there, he was at the Friendship Center counseling those who needed groceries or food for the day, or hygiene products.

It was my first visit to this little church under the bridge, and I could not figure out how to get there. So I made a wrong turn and ended up going about 2 miles out of the way. I turned around to see two men walking along the side of the road with their backpacks. I pulled over and offered them a ride. They said they didn't have very much further to go that they were going to the church under the bridge, that they didn't need a ride.

I said, “what a coincidence! That is where I'm headed. I think I made a wrong turn. If you guys would honor me by letting me drive you, you can show me where to go.”

Once again God had provided a way when I couldn't find it myself. They gladly got into my backseat.

People tend to overlook the little ways in which God guides them in their lives. I have learned not to take for granted any given moment that God allows me to live. There are so many times that the small things in life are really great miracles from God that rain blessings my way. I have learned to be grateful for all of them. This time it was a solution to a small wrong turn that I had made. I couldn't wait to see what was next!

I have also learned that when God sends me to minister to someone, it is never for just them. It is always for my growth and education in The Lord!

Chapter 16: Serving God Where I Am

A few months went by. On the last day of February, I quit my job because I felt that my boss had chosen to impersonate Satan. I had been warned not to mention God at work, then I felt they had started “picking on me”. I decided that if God wasn’t allowed there, I shouldn’t be there, either. One night at work, when I felt that the harassment was overwhelming, I turned in my badge and keys and told her, “God has always taken care of me, so I know I do not have to sit here and take this abuse.” and I walked out.

I signed up for unemployment, but was turned down because I refused a job that would only give me 2 days a week and maybe 3 hours a day, at minimum wage. I couldn’t pay my bills like that, let alone my transportation to and from work there. Yet, the Texas Workforce Commission said I was not qualified to receive an unemployment check.

I had enough money saved up to carry me for up to almost 3 months. But, I didn’t want to spend it if I didn’t have to. It was my savings.

And, I lost my health and life insurance.

As I set myself up to start filling out applications online, a member of my church told me to go apply at the restaurant she managed. I did, and I got the job. I knew I wasn’t going to be making the same money, and I had already set myself up to be able to make it on part time minimum wage if I needed to.

I praise God He had given me the wisdom to do so, and that He had provided through a Christian friend who was serving God right where she was.

When I started working at the restaurant, which was located at a truck stop about 10 miles from my home, I wasn’t sure what to expect from co-workers, but I was immediately delighted when, on my first day on the floor as a server, another church family member who worked there just, out of the blue, took my hands and prayed with me to encourage me. That is when I knew that God had led me there, and that I was where I was supposed to be.

On my way to work I would plug my phone into the car charger, and hook up my earphones and listen to Christian talk radio on my way to work. One day, I heard a preacher talk about how our ministry is where ever God has placed us at any given moment. I thought of my friend at work that had prayed with me that day, and I decided that she was definitely serving Christ right where she was.

Each of us are gifted right where we are, with what God has already given us to have our own ministry. If all you have time to do is work and go home, then your ministry is at work and home. The question is, are you conducting your ministry correctly? Are you working for the almighty dollar? or, are you working to bring Glory to God?

I thought about this. While money is important to me (isn't it important to everyone?) it is NOT my end all be all. If I am at work and my employer bans us from giving any credit to Jesus while I am there, I would (and have in the recent past) quit my job in search of somewhere God is allowed to be. If He isn't allowed to be there, I am not allowed, because I am His child, first and foremost.

It is in how we live our lives that testify to the Grace, Love and Mercy of God for others. I've had people comment to me after a simple conversation that I have helped them to see things in a different light, and have influenced them to be better people. I have had people tell me that they believe that God sent me to them at just the moment in their lives when they needed God the most, and they felt that I was His answer.

You don't lead people to Jesus by judgmental preaching and condemnation, you lead them to Jesus by being the only Jesus they are able to see at that moment. My ministry is where I am, and it is done by what God has given me to do it with.

I told my coworkers about it that day, and later, my friend who had prayed with me on that first day approached me and said, "I really needed to hear that."

I told her, "Do you really believe that the God who created you for a specific purpose on this earth would expect you to go to Africa to be a minister, and then not give you the ability to do so? So if God did not give you the ability to go to Africa, wouldn't it stand to reason that He would expect you to minister WHERE YOU ARE?"​

She said, "I had never had it put to me like that before. Thank you!"

This is why I seek to be a better employee, a better friend, a better daughter, a better neighbor.

Mark 12
28 And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?
29 And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:
30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
I have learned that by focusing on these first two commandments, all of the other commandments are so much easier to follow...and even if I cannot (for I am still a work in progress), my light shines bright enough that others seek to have what I have found, and start building their own relationship with the Father, and building up their own accountability.

And, that is what a minister is supposed to do.

Chapter 15: The Jesus Feast

I was unable to enjoy Thanksgiving with my family because I had to work. This did not prevent me from having a mouth-watering longing for a taste of Thanksgiving turkey.

God had blessed me with so much throughout the year. I had a freezer filled with food, including two turkeys. I offered my mom a turkey for Thanksgiving, in exchange for her bringing me a plate to my job so I could have Thanksgiving dinner (I was REALLY looking forward to that turkey).

She was having it deep-fried.

Yum.

I had to work. So at 6 PM, my mom brought me a big plate of food, and another plate of desserts. But, guess what? There was not one bite of turkey on that plate. I graciously ate it all, then called mom and said, "Where is my turkey?"

She assured me she would bring me some turkey tomorrow at one o'clock. (I was a day sleeper. I slept until one o'clock. I had to be at work at three o'clock).

At one o'clock, the next day, she had not arrived, so I called her, as I still had not had my craving satisfied.

"Why don't you come here and get it. I'm not driving all that way!" she said.

I lost my temper. She lived 40 minutes from my apartment. I barely had enough time to shower and get something to eat and get to work. There is no way I could make it all the way to Redwater and back before my shift started. I was very angry that she refused to do what she said she was going to do.

Matthew 5:37
“But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

I questioned how God could ask me to honor someone like her for what she had done to me.

Exodus 20:12
“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

IT WAS MY TURKEY!

At the time, I was not thinking of the verse from Luke, let alone how absurd I was being.

Luke 6:35
“But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.”

I felt she had stolen my turkey, because I did not get one single bite of it.

Yes, I was very angry.

I stewed over this for a few days. Then, I decided to fix the problem.

I had a second turkey. I decided that in order to fix the problem I would not give my mother a turkey to cook for Christmas. If it got cooked, I would have it cooked and I would get my portion of it before I gave her any of it. I could still love my mother without giving her the opportunity to anger me again.

Problem fixed.

What can I say? I'm a fixer.

As Christmas approached, it became clear, according to my schedule, that I was not going to be able to spend Christmas with my family, either. I still wanted that turkey.

I listened to a radio program by Rick Warren about God speaking to me. I learned that when you get an idea, it might not be a "God" idea. You have to test it: If God wouldn't agree to it in the Bible, then He isn’t going to tell me to do it, because God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I started thinking, what if I cooked my own Christmas dinner. I could enjoy all the fixings without worrying about missing it. I could get my turkey.

Then, someone got a hold of my credit card information on the computer somehow and charged my bank account over $350. I took out a money order in order to pay my mom her car payment, and someone stole that out of my purse. So in less than 48 hours, I lost over $700. It was my WHOLE paycheck! All I could do was praise God that I didn't have to pay rent with that check as I went to the bank to dispute the charges, stop my money order, and get a new debit card issued to me.

Satan obviously didn't like the idea that God must have put in my head that I was actually considering doing. So, I made plans to have a Jesus Feast, and I had no idea how I was going to pay for it.

I had a three day weekend coming up, and I thought, "What a perfect opportunity to have that Jesus Feast!"

The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like that is what I should do. But, who would I invite? After I lost my temper with mom, I wasn't sure she'd want to eat with me. Then, my thoughts were directed to a verse in the Bible:

Luke 14:23
“And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.”

The story was about a king who was making a feast. He invited all of the upper-class he knew. Each of them had an excuse about why they couldn't make it. This angered the king. So, he told his servant to go out to the highways and hedges, gather the poor, the destitute, the maimed, the imperfect people and bring them in to enjoy his feast so he could enjoy a house full of guests for his feast.

God said, "Feed the poor, the lonely, and bless your enemy and honor your mother."

And, then, I could get a bite of turkey if I did that without worrying about Christmas dinner going to waste.

And, then,  I could have a Christmas dinner with Jesus.

Matthew 25:40
“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

I couldn't think of a greater honor than to have dinner with the King!

The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. I was on a mission from God. I told everyone I saw about my plan. And, then I found that all the money that had been taken from my debit card information had been returned to my account...JUST IN TIME!

God is always on time.

I was off Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I planned my menu Thursday night, and Friday, I woke up still excited about what I was going to do. I took my grocery list and got dressed to head to the grocery store. My neighbor walked by my door and I told her about what I was going to do. As I told her what all I was going to cook, you could see her mouth watering. I told her, "So, you see, I can't possibly eat all of it and I would really like it if you and your husband came to enjoy my Jesus Feast with me!" She assured me that they would.

One of my ex-boyfriend's ex (after me) lived upstairs. I figured we had a lot in common. (haha). So, when I came back from the grocery store, I knocked on her door and told her what I was doing and why. I invited her to come help me enjoy the feast on the morrow at 3 PM. She agreed.

I prayed before I started shopping after I got to the grocery store. "Jesus, please help me to honor YOU. Please bless my shopping, and bless the meal I aim to prepare, and bless those who celebrate YOU with me!" I prayed that the cost of all that was on my list didn't take all of what was in my account, as I still had bills to pay. However, I didn't budget as I shopped. I got what I needed and didn't worry about the cost. I figured God would provide.

And, He did. I had plenty left to pay bills with.

When I got to the check-out, the lady who was waiting on me looked as if she wished she weren't there. I told the lady what I was doing. She said nothing for a few moments. As she rang up my stuff, suddenly she exclaimed, "Well, I think that is just so nice!" and she began to smile more as we discussed my plans and excitement. I invited her to come, but she declined, she had to work.

I later got on social media and invited everyone. I told them,

"For those of you who attend, be warned: I don't have any seating. You might want to bring a lawn chair for yourself, or plan to sit outside on the steps. It's a REAL small apartment, and the door will be open in honor of my Granny who used to keep the door open no matter how cold or nasty it was outside in order to be "inviting to the less fortunate" on Christmas and Thanksgiving. I like that tradition, and am keeping it."

Then, as I was getting all of my stuff ready to cook, I felt a nudge that said, "Aren't you forgetting someone?"

I called my mom. I said, "Hi! I'm cooking Christmas dinner."

She said, "I am, too."

I said, "No, I'm cooking it right now, and we'll eat it tomorrow if you would like to show up about 3 PM." Then I told her what all we were having.

I prayed again:

"Jesus, please bless my cooking. I've never done this before. Be with my hands and ability. This is for You, Lord, make it fitting!"

Then, I set out to cook my first Turkey.

And it turned out fabulous.

It was also my first dressings, (Yes, there were two kinds), my first green bean casserole, my first sweet potato casserole, my first baked beans, my first jello whipped cream fruit salad, and my first Dr Pepper glazed ham.

And they all turned out fabulous.

I stayed up until 4 AM cooking and cleaning.

At noon on Saturday my alarm on my phone went off. I hadn't meant to sleep that long. I jumped up, dressed, drove to the store to get last minute items I had forgotten (plastic ware and ice and colas to drink).

About 2 PM, my ex boyfriend’s ex, Jo, came down and asked if I wanted company while I worked. I said, "Sure." I enjoyed hearing her talk about her kids and our ex as I prepared dinner.

At 3 PM I opened the door. Mom was getting out of the car with my niece Mylee. My step-dad opted to stay home. I was happy to see my favorite (only) niece. I recently took her to the fair and had spoiled her the whole day and had a blast...now I got to feed her.

I said a quick prayer as we all dug in to eat.

Mom loved every bit of it. My niece ate two plates and carried one with her when they left. Mom carried two plates for my step-dad (all of the food wouldn't fit onto one plate). Joleen ate her fill, then took a plate with her. Then, I fed my neighbors to the left, neighbors from upstairs across the way, and a few other stragglers. I was happy not to have much to put up.

When it was all said and done, all I could do was praise Jesus because my Jesus Feast/Christmas Dinner was a great success.

Mom said, "Come Thanksgiving next year, you are doing some cooking."

See what happens when you show someone what you can do? I thought.

Luke 12:48
“But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.”

That night, I got on my knees and said, "Thank You, Jesus for showing up". I was truly and humbly thankful.

Chapter 14: What Being Single Has Taught Me

As you can see, my life has been so blessed since I decided to give it all to the Lord, and not focus on finding a mate. There is nothing I can need that He cannot provide, and if it is within His will, there is nothing I can need that He will not provide.

I just have to ask.

James 4:2
“Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.”God wants to give gifts to His children, and if you are His child, then you have found favor with Him already. Ask!

Matthew 7
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?If it is a mate that you really want, you can feel free to ask for that as well. Just remember, Israel asked for King, and it disappointed the Lord because He was their King up until that point. Israel wanted to be like all the other nations and have a King because everyone else did, so God gave them what they asked for; but, it broke His heart.:

Be careful what you ask for. It is not above or below God to give you what you want. However, you might regret having asked for it.

If you have decided that you would, someday, like to have a mate, but that you are willing to wait for the Lord to provide the best one for you, you should focus on becoming everything you want your mate to be for you. It is selfish to expect to find the perfect man or woman when you, yourself, are not perfect in any way. Why would a man or woman want you?

Spend time getting to know yourself, and improving yourself to be something that will glorify God. You have all the time in the world, and God will give you what He feels you need. If you have time between relationships, use that time to become everything God would have you be.

Maya Angelou is quoted as saying, “A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” There is so much truth in this. If a man is willing to give God his time and energy so that he is rewarded with a godly woman, it is a bond that cannot be severed through any hardship.

Rick Warren teaches that “Love is a choice, not an emotion.” I cannot deny the truth in this, either. Love is something you do, not something you are. The only one who IS love is God. To be IN Christ is to choose to love. When you learn to love without condition and with all integrity, it is inevitable that you will be honorable in your relationship with a mate.

Go out on dates with Jesus when you find yourself alone on a Saturday night. Purposefully and intentionally seek to be a blessing to someone in need. Remember: You may be the only Jesus someone else ever sees. Be a Jesus they will remember and pass on to others. Seek to set an example for others to follow.

Chapter 13: My date with Jesus

I learned that Jesus was there to spend time with any time I needed Him. I had become used to having Him there, and after a while, waking up in the mornings and praising Him throughout the day just didn’t seem like enough. I didn’t want to spend time with Him because He pleased me. I wanted to spend time with Him because He was who He was. I wanted to bless HIM as much as He blessed me!

One day, after I spent the morning praising Jesus for where I'd been, where I was and where I was going, I decided to go out on a date with Him; besides, I was hungry.

I asked Jesus where I should go and I quickly decided that I wanted Mexican food. El Chico popped into my head.

I had to go and order me some new uniform shirts, because I had recently received a promotion at my job and I was no longer worried about having all the things that I needed. That was reason enough to praise Him.

After I got dressed I made the drive to the Uniform store on Richmond Road. I passed by the Chipotle Mexican Grill on the way, but dismissed it because I felt like Jesus wanted to bless me with El Chico today.

I asked Him, "Do you think I should go to the shelter and see if someone wants to come with me?" He said, "No, this is for you."

I argued, "I want to be a blessing to someone today."

He said, "You will. In my way. In MY time."

So, I went to El Chico and determined that I would enjoy myself in spite of the guilt.

I looked over the menu. It listed Uno through Siete on the lunch page. Then, it had a Mucho Platter. After reading what the Mucho Platter was and considering the price, I told the waiter, "I would like a Numero Ocho. Le Mucho Platter." He grinned. As he was walking away, I asked him if he had any appetizers besides the chips and salsa he had already brought me. I thought aloud that poppers or something like it sounded great. He suggested the Chicken Jalapeno Poppers. I accepted. He suggested that he would hold the main course while I waited on the Poppers, and I told him not to bother. I would take them all together.

He kept my tea filled (and I drank a lot. That salsa was hot!). Then he brought my meal.

The waiter was witty, charming, and made me feel like I was important, even though he had several other tables he was paying as much attention to. I was more impressed with the service than the food, even though I ate every bite.

I smiled the whole time, thanking Jesus for the time to enjoy the meal, and the ability to afford it. But, I still didn't feel like I was blessing anyone. I felt a gentle nudge in my spirit that said, "Can't you just be blessed?"

I sighed and said, "I AM blessed, even without this. I don't feel half as blessed as I do when I am being used to bless others, though! You have given me so much already!"

I left El Chico after paying my ticket and giving the waiter a generous tip, and Jesus said, "You still need some pants to wear to work." So, I went to Buy & Save on State Line Avenue, and looked around. I didn't find what I was looking for, but I don't believe I am ever anywhere I am not supposed to be. So, I bought a hat and some really cheap earrings I liked. (Felt good just to be able to buy something for myself for a change...)

I took the opportunity to go to the cigarette store next door where I used to do all my cigarette business. I walked in and told the cashier (whom I'd been getting to know over time) "Hi! I just wanted to make sure you knew I was still alive. I'm still here, but I quit smoking." She said, "Are you serious?" I smiled bigger and said, "Three weeks smoke free!" She exclaimed with, "WOW!"

I left there and went to KMart, looking for pants that I couldn't find there. I found some I liked and went to the only register that was open and waited in line.

...And waited.

...And waited.

The lady at the checkout was waiting on a price check. Finally, the cash register next to her opened up and everyone moved over there. I figured I'd just stay where I was. Maybe the line would move sooner.

I waited.

...And waited. Finally, I decided to move, also.

A lady in the line who was behind me before offered to let me have my place in front of her back. I thanked her. When I got to cashier, she asked me for my phone number. I told her. She said, "Wait, you don't have a rewards card? Why don't you get one, it's free!"

"Oh, I don't come here enough."

The cashier asked the lady behind me if she had a rewards card. She said she did. She asked for HER phone number, then started ringing my stuff up. I laughed and asked, "Are you giving HER my reward?" She said, "Sure. Why not?" I grinned at the lady behind me and said, "I'm so glad I could be a blessing to someone today!"

The lady said, "And just think, If I hadn't let you in front of me, I would have missed it!"

WOW, I thought. That'll preach!

I told them of my date with Jesus today and how I've enjoyed myself. This was the icing on the cake.

No, it wasn't a big blessing, but it felt big because of who it came from.

I decided that loved going out on dates with the Master of the Universe!

Chapter 12: Sometimes You Have to Ask God to Change Your "Want to"

Being single as a Christian is no different than being married as a Christian, except you have given yourself over completely to God, rather than focus on pleasing a spouse in a Godly relationship. If you have ever been married, or if you are married and are reading this, then you can relate to this chapter. If you aren’t married, let’s imagine that you are married:

There are times when you do things with your spouse that you just don't want to do. Inside you are fussing as you put on your attire and prepare yourself to do what it is they have asked you to do with them. "MAN, I just wanted to sit at home today and relax. Now he/she's got me up and dragging me here, there and yonder to do who knows what. Why can't I just have ONE day of peace by myself? I don't feel like being married today. Can I just take a break?"

But, you don't. And, the reason you don't is because you know, deep inside, that you love your spouse, even though you aren't "feeling the love right now." And, you also know that there is going to come a time when you need your spouse to go and do and be with you, and they are not going to feel like doing it -- but they will; for the same reason.

Truth be known, as you are out tonight, actually enjoying whatever it is that you did not feel like doing with your spouse in the beginning, when you get home, you find yourself thankful for your spouse, and the experience you just had. Your relationship gets stronger.

Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.One of the reasons God created marriage is for those that needed to experience the message of how it is to have a relationship with Him.

I am single; but, I like to tell everyone that I am married to God. What they don't get, is that my marriage to God is just like if I were married to a man.

For the past week, I have been experiencing a lot of frustration and anger in my life. It has caused friction with my family. Some of the things I said to my sister during one of our "frictional episodes" caused her to say, "Now, that was not very godly of you." To which I replied, "I don't feel like being godly today. He understands."

What happens when you tell your wife/husband, "No. I don't feel like doing what you asked me to do today." That is like saying, “I don’t feel like being married today.” Yep, more friction is created. Then, after putting your foot down, you get your way and your wife/husband, goes away and leaves you alone. Later, if you value your relationship at all, you seek him/her out and apologize for being the south-end of a north-bound donkey and pray that he/she has more sense than you had and, even though he/she doesn't feel like it, forgives you.

Both of you know it's going to happen again. It's a matter of time. The next time it might be you doing the forgiving. You also know that you value your relationship enough to keep it, in spite of the ups and downs.

As I said, I didn't feel like being godly. But, I realized after a couple of days that even though I didn't feel like being godly, I needed to go through the motions until the feeling passes. I still needed to be who HE needed me to be. If someone needed me to be the hands and feet of God, I needed to be able to do that, regardless of how I felt.

Soon after that, I was supposed to take someone who was struggling financially to help show them around in order to know what resources they could depend on until they got back on their feet. It was always a blessing to be able to bless someone else with knowledge on how they can survive as they wait on God to act in order to better their lives. She called and cancelled, and I was, honestly, relieved. I didn't have to do what I didn't feel like doing, but was going to do because I knew it was the right thing to do, and God needed me to do it.

So, as I was sitting there, relaxing, thinking, relieved, I get a knock at my door. It was my neighbor asking for me to assist her by taking her to a local feeding ministry that gave out groceries. Now, when I usually take her, the routine is that we get a number, then we hear the message, eat, get the groceries, then go home. When we got there that day, they had given out all their numbers, but said that we could still stay and eat if we like. As an incentive, they promised the lady that after all the numbers were called, if they had any extra groceries left over, they would help her.

Needless to say, we stayed. Even though I did not want to stay. On top of that, I had to stay until after everyone left. Yes, inside I was fussing.

Just before the meal, the preacher-lady gets up and gives a message on

2nd Corinthians 4
6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
10 Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.She then began to preach about how God has not abandoned us, no matter HOW we feel.

When she was done, I thought about this. Did I feel abandoned? No. However, truth be told, I DID feel as if I had walked away. How could I reconcile that with the message.

She went and sat down and began calling the numbers.

I got up from my table and went to introduce myself to her and I told her of my struggle during the past week, "I am going through a situation right now that has me feeling angry and frustrated, and I just don't feel like being godly. I don't feel like God has abandoned me, I feel like I am the one walking away and I don't want to. I mean, I know I shouldn't feel that way or do that, and I don't want to, but it's just there. I just feel like...I need space."

She smiled and explained to me, "Your relationship with God is just that: a RELATIONSHIP. You are going to have ups and downs, just like in any other relationship. Usually when there are down times in a relationship, it is because of the falling away of one or the other member of the relationship. Since you are dealing with GOD, then the problem is YOU, because God NEVER falls away. It's up to you to ask Him to forgive you and take you back."

I said, "But, that's just it. I don't wanna. I mean, I WANT to, but that's not how I feel."

Again she smiled and said, "Sometimes we need to get on our knees and ask God to change our want to. Do you believe that He can do all things?"

BOOM.

I thanked her. She asked me, "Did I tell you what you wanted to hear?"

"No," I said. Then added, "But, you told me what I needed to hear, and you did your job. Thank you."

I felt privileged and honored right then to be married to the best person I could ever dream of being married to: The person of God through Jesus Christ. I decided then and there to not ever seek a divorce. Why would I search for another partner when  I can't imagine my life without Him?

That night,, as I got down on my knees, I was thankful for His Grace, as well as His Mercy. I thanked  Him that He was always within reach, no matter how far away I aimed to walk. And, I asked Him to keep my "want to" in check.

Chapter 11: Inspired by the Cable Guy

Monday morning, I went to see what I could do to have my cable moved. I need my cable internet moved so I can work online at home. Plus, I don't have a TV, and watching Netflix relaxed me after work. But, the cable company was closed on Mondays.

On Tuesday, I went back. I made arrangements to get my cable moved on Wednesday, but I had to make sure I answered the phone call when they called to tell me they were coming, or they would reschedule me.

I work late at night, so when I got home, after unwinding, I usually didn't get to sleep until about four o'clock in the morning. My phone was turned off, so I missed the call Wednesday morning. I had to reschedule for Friday.

In the meanwhile, I had moved into my apartment, and unpacked enough to be able to sleep there again. The dogs were adjusting, but I was having trouble with the newness.

Wednesday night at work, I accidentally dropped my phone into a mop bucket without knowing it. The chemicals in the water, coupled with the fact that it was there an hour before I found it, and it already had a cracked screen, made it impossible to fix, even with rice.

So now, I was without internet, TV, AND a phone, having to move and get settled in a new apartment.

Thursday morning, I bought a new phone. I took the opportunity God gave me to upgrade on the one I had. But, it was like relearning how to walk. I had to get to know the new gadgets on the phone, and how to work it.

Friday morning, my appointment with the cable company was scheduled between 9 and noon. I received the call, but I accidentally hit decline on my phone instead of answering it. I immediately called the cable company, who rescheduled my hook up by 7 pm.

Then, my roommate informed me that something was wrong with my car. You could see a trail of liquid from the road all the way under my car. There was a puddle under where it was parked. I told her, "I got home at 2 AM. Surely, the water would have dried by now. That can't be water." The apartment manager smelled it and said, "Transmission fluid."

Just what I needed. I only like three more payments on the car.

I was barely able to get the car down the street to my mechanic. They found a line that had been knocked loose and (Praise God) fixed the car within two hours, only costing me $30.

In the meanwhile, I had already accepted five calls from the automated confirmation that the cable company does to make sure that I still wanted my cable. The last call came at nearly 2 PM. It was from an unknown number. They had told me that if I get an unknown number to accept it, because it was probably the technician. I accepted the call, but there was a bad connection and the call was ended.

I was SOOO frustrated!

I called the cable company, begging them to keep my appointment. They assured me everything was fine.

An hour later, I called them again because the technician still hadn't showed up. They assured me I was still in the system.

Finally, about 4 PM, I got the knock at my door. I barely opened it because the dogs were barking. I said, "Are you with the cable company?" The good looking man looking at me smiled and said, "Yes, ma'am, I am." My heart melted. He was EYE CANDY!

"Let me put the dogs up..."

I was thinking, "So this was why God had me so frustrated. Under any other circumstance, I'd be chasing this one..." I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I had been single for so long (over two years), and had enjoyed it so much, I had wondered if any of that sort of desire still resided in me. My sudden embarrassment at my weakness was replaced by praise that God saw fit to remind me that I was still all woman.

We spoke while he hooked up my cable. He asked me personal questions (Like, where I worked, and that it didn't seem fit for me to live in a place like this with my position at the hospital). I explained to him that I was single, and on the back side of middle age, and was thinking of my retirement. I needed to save money, and that I had just got my promotion at work. I told him about my roommate (whom he met while I was putting the dogs away) and the fire.

He said, "You gotta believe with all that that SOMEBODY is looking out for you!"

I took the opportunity and said, "I do. As a matter of fact, you should come visit my church, 1st Bikers Church on Sunday."

He raised his eyebrows and asked, "Really? Where is this?"

I told him. I hoped he'd come.

I got to thinking about all this after he left. God has spent the week upgrading me. I was now in a new apartment, with a new phone, my car was fixed and I could sit back, relax and watch Netflix. And, just maybe, my cable man would come to church on Sunday.

However, I still planned to stay single for as long as I could. God had certainly taken care of me thus far! No need to ruin that!

Chapter 10: Hallelujah, Anyhow

Miss Cathy had gone home to be with the Lord, and although I missed her to tears, I was glad she was not struggling anymore. I knew Jesus had her in His arms where she was. But, she left behind Mr. Tom; so, he let a new lady move in.

My friend/live-in maid moved in with me, and against warnings from everyone, she started dating another neighbor in the complex. That relationship didn’t work out at all, but that is another story altogether that I won’t be including here. It’s not for me to tell.

A crazy lady (who was certifiable, to say the least) was living in Apartment 22 with Mr. Tom, who was handicapped, because he did not need to live alone due to health problems. He was unable to get around well. She apparently started a fire with hot grease on the stove, and rather than grab the fire extinguisher that was on top of the refrigerator four feet away, she ran out of the apartment to knock on doors and ask for salt to put on the fire. She came back into the apartment, that was smoking so much by then that you couldn't see much, and threw the salt on it, then took her chair outside and sat down two feet from the door.

I was in my pajamas (it was my day off after I had returned from my sister’s wedding), and playing a nice RPG game on the computer in my apartment, number 24. My neighbor who lived in 23 begin yelling (which was nothing new, so at first I ignored it) for everyone to get out. Then I smelled smoke.

I jumped up, put on sweats. and a cotton shirt and my shoes, grabbed my purse (because my ID was in it and I didn't want to lose it) and phone and went to stand by my roommate, who had just come out of her boyfriend's apartment to witness the show.

Tom’s roommate sat in her chair just two feet from the door. She was yelling at my neighbor in 23 that the fire was out. She actually acted perturbed. She actually thought that throwing salt on the fire and coming outside to wait for the smoke to clear worked. My apartment manager came out and asked her if Mr. Tom had oxygen in the apartment. The smoke was getting thicker. by now you could hear the crackle. She said it was in her purse.

I immediately grabbed her purse, and her by her arm to force her to move away from the door of the apartment, telling her, "THAT is smoke, Lady! There is a FIRE in there. You and the oxygen need to MOVE." The apartment manager's dog came and bit me on the arm.

I honestly don't believe he meant to hurt me. Everyone was stressed. He wasn't growling. His tail was tucked between his legs. But I felt the pressure on my upper arm and yelled, "OUCH, that HURT!"

Another neighbor ran in to grab Mr. Tom, who was asleep on the couch when all of this started, and brought him out. As soon as he exited the apartment, the dog grabbed him, too. If the dog was trying to hurt me, I imagine my arm would have looked a whole lot worse.

The Apartment manager grabbed the dog and went to contain him.

Before the fire department could arrive, it started spreading through the roof to neighboring apartments. I just knew that it was God's way of telling me it was time to move. I guess I started weighing my options out loud, while my roommate, covered her eyes, shaking in disbelief. "I have money in the bank. I still owe my old landlord, but I can pay him and move back in my old apartment. He done said I could." The apartment manager walks over to me and says, "You could move into 16" (a different building altogether in the complex).

I called my mom, who was still at the reception down the road, and she and my step dad were there within five minutes.

Then, when the fire department finally arrived, I remembered that my baby dogs were still in the apartment. I nudged Liz, my roommate, to help me get the dogs to safety. The Fireman ran to stop me from going into the apartment and I told him, "I just want to get my dogs out." He let me.

The smoke started spreading through the roof to several apartments down. The fire department had to tear holes in my ceiling in order to contain the fire. My step-dad offered to go get the truck and a dolly to get my stuff out, particularly my food and my freezer after the fire was put out. I accepted, and I accepted their invitation to let me go to their house to spend the night, since I wouldn't be able to sleep in my apartment.

We watched wondering what we were going to do. Would our stuff survive? All we had worked so hard for; all God had given us... I heard God speaking to me through all of that saying that it was going to be alright.

I hugged my roommate and told everyone there, "When God speaks, you have no choice but to move on it. You may as well go with it and count your blessings."

My mom said, "We won't have a problem remembering this day. One daughter gets married on the same day other is driven from her home due to a fire, the day before Mother's Day."

My roommate planned to stay with her boyfriend. I just laughed when the apartment manager asked me what I was going to do, and said, "God is telling me to spend Mother's Day with Mom."

I was reminded of the story of Jonah and the Whale. When God wants you to move on something, He makes it happen.

When the fire was put out, I was fortunate to find that all of my stuff was saved, except for the smokey smell. But, the ruined ceiling and no electricity made it impossible for me to live there now. We moved my deep freezer to my roommate's boyfriend's apartment temporarily, along with my food. She agreed to keep the dogs safe while I went to mom's. I grabbed some clothes to wash and went to mom's.

All I could think about was the song that my pastor had taught us the Wednesday night before in church:

Hallelujah, Anyhow
Don’t let your troubles drag you down!
When Satan blocks your way,
You just stand right up and say,
Hallelujah, Anyhow!
Everyone must have thought I was crazy as I sang that as loud as I could, getting in my car to go to mom’s.

The next day, after my mom left her house to visit my grandmother in the nursing home, I went back to the Apartment complex to see what I could salvage, and what it would take for me to move.

When I got there, the Red Cross lady was camped out in Apartment 15, which was vacant, next to the one I was moving into. Six households had been displaced due to the damage. She was preparing vouchers and tending to immediate needs. She was awed and in tears over the way the tenants were working together and helping each other.

All of the tenants in the Complex were helping with the clean up. Liz met me before I got out of the car.

"Here is the deal," she informed me. "You are moving into 16. I already have most of your stuff moved." Then, she gave me a list of things she had yet to do.

I was amazed, and so grateful and relieved.

Two weeks before, she had knocked on my door after I had not seen her for nearly ten years. She was homeless. I remembered how resourceful she was, and what a great person she had been, and that I trusted her with the keys to my business. So, I offered to let her stay with me if she would help me keep my house clean and maybe cook for me, because I had no energy for it after working so hard at the hospital.

This day, I remembered why I had made that offer.

She went above and beyond to take care of me. I loved that girl!

I asked her, "What can I do? I feel like I will just get in the way..."

She said, "Feed us."

So, I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken and spent nearly a hundred dollars for dinner for the whole complex who was helping in the clean up. My recent promotion at work had allowed me to have the money to do so, and I felt that this was what God would want me to do with it. I praised God that I was able to do it.

While I was there, the neighbor in 23 took me in to show me her apartment. Everything in her apartment was also miraculously saved. But, you could see the black marks in the corners of the ceiling, where the fire had already started to burn it. The marks were seen all the way to her front door, which was two feet from my front door. Above her door was hanging a crucifix with a verse from Psalms about God's protection. God bumps. All I could say (through my tears) was, "I KNEW we were covered!'

I received offers to help me move, which I gladly turned down, because God had already provided.

But, the whole week after the fire was a very testy week.

Chapter 9: My Rich Father Blessed me with a Live In Maid!

Work was hard at the hospital. I came home sore all over, barely able to walk. My dogs needed walking I had two by then, because a neighbor had a chihuahua that needed bred, and my Milo got the honors. In payment, I got the pick of the litter. My house needed to be cleaned, and usually it stayed in disarray until my days off, when I grudgingly spent it cleaning rather than relaxing.

I came home one day exasperated over how tired I was. I didn’t even feel like cooking anything to eat. I sat down and cried in frustration at the state of my apartment.

“God, You have done so much for me. Would asking for a live-in maid be too much? I’m really tired!”

I thought, it couldn’t hurt to ask. Then, I laughed at myself for expecting something so extravagant when I only made a little above minimum wage at my job and I was still struggling to pay bills.

Luke 11:9

“And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

Then, suddenly, I got a promotion at work. In just a matter of a few weeks I went from struggling to being able to open a savings account. God blessed me above and beyond what I had asked for! However, the work did not come easier with the promotion. It was harder and required feet that were even more tired by the end of the day.

As I was settling into my new supervisory role at work, my days off became even more appreciated. My hours at work had changed and I became more of a “day sleeper”.

One day, just two weeks after my promotion, as I slept, there was a knock at my door. I went to answer the door. Standing in front of me was a neighbor who had brought a familiar face to visit. With him stood an ex-employee of mine from a decade past when I owned my own business. She hugged me and said, “He told me you lived here and I just had to come by and say hello!”

She told me that she was between relationships and was homeless. I told her that if she would help me with the housework, I’d gladly offer her my couch to sleep on. I trusted her immensely.

To my astonishment, and delight, she accepted.

God had just brought my live-in maid right to my doorstep! What a God! I danced and praised Him for days as I waited for her to get moved in.

Chapter 8: Allow Yourself to be Pampered

In order to “love thy neighbor as thyself”, I had to first learn to love myself. I came to the conclusion that I should never have a relationship with someone who couldn’t pamper me better than I could pamper myself. Then, I decided that I really wasn’t even looking for a relationship with another man anymore, because God was pampering me better than I had ever been pampered in my life.

It had been years since I had put on any make up, let alone jewelry. I didn’t own any. I hadn’t even thought about this until one day when I was getting ready for church. I happened to open my medicine cabinet as I was looking for my brush when the thought hit me: I had no makeup or jewelry and I wanted to look good.

Looking good was never a priority to me. I knew that, after all, God looked on the heart, not what was on your back. I was content with looking plain and decent. However, something inside of me that morning said, “I am the King’s daughter. I should look the part…” I immediately made a note in my “Things I’m asking God for” list.

Right on cue, that very day, one of the ladies at church gave me a bag of makeup that she didn’t have any use for. I hadn't even asked for it. No one even knew I had these thoughts. But, God did. I gladly took it. It was an answer to a prayer that I hadn’t really prayed, but God knew I wanted. The next Sunday, she gave me bags of jewelry, complete with lots of earrings, necklaces, rings and bracelets, and nail polish. There was so much there that it would have filled 3 jewelry boxes.

I couldn’t wait to start looking good for God. I even gave myself a haircut!

I had beautiful clothes in my closet, shoes to wear, and jewelry and makeup fit for a queen, and I hadn’t paid a penny for any of it! This Princess was so grateful!

God said, “You are my daughter, my princess. Look the part”, then He provided so I could!

On top of that, my “Things I’m asking God for” list was almost gone. I had learned the meaning of “wait”. I expected answers to all of my prayers, even the smallest ones, and I KNEW my God was there, He was willing, and He was able.​

I had learned that there is only one man in this world who is truly capable of loving me "forever and a day", and He was tortured to set me free over two thousand years ago. He defeated hell and the grave in order to give me life with Him "forever and a day." There isn't a man alive who has ever gone through that for me, or ever could. And, there is only one man who has ever lived that has never given up on me, and loves me no matter how many times I fail him.

I came to the conclusion that it would definitely take an act of God to make me happy with anyone else after getting to know Him.