Chapter 8: Allow Yourself to be Pampered

In order to “love thy neighbor as thyself”, I had to first learn to love myself. I came to the conclusion that I should never have a relationship with someone who couldn’t pamper me better than I could pamper myself. Then, I decided that I really wasn’t even looking for a relationship with another man anymore, because God was pampering me better than I had ever been pampered in my life.

It had been years since I had put on any make up, let alone jewelry. I didn’t own any. I hadn’t even thought about this until one day when I was getting ready for church. I happened to open my medicine cabinet as I was looking for my brush when the thought hit me: I had no makeup or jewelry and I wanted to look good.

Looking good was never a priority to me. I knew that, after all, God looked on the heart, not what was on your back. I was content with looking plain and decent. However, something inside of me that morning said, “I am the King’s daughter. I should look the part…” I immediately made a note in my “Things I’m asking God for” list.

Right on cue, that very day, one of the ladies at church gave me a bag of makeup that she didn’t have any use for. I hadn't even asked for it. No one even knew I had these thoughts. But, God did. I gladly took it. It was an answer to a prayer that I hadn’t really prayed, but God knew I wanted. The next Sunday, she gave me bags of jewelry, complete with lots of earrings, necklaces, rings and bracelets, and nail polish. There was so much there that it would have filled 3 jewelry boxes.

I couldn’t wait to start looking good for God. I even gave myself a haircut!

I had beautiful clothes in my closet, shoes to wear, and jewelry and makeup fit for a queen, and I hadn’t paid a penny for any of it! This Princess was so grateful!

God said, “You are my daughter, my princess. Look the part”, then He provided so I could!

On top of that, my “Things I’m asking God for” list was almost gone. I had learned the meaning of “wait”. I expected answers to all of my prayers, even the smallest ones, and I KNEW my God was there, He was willing, and He was able.​

I had learned that there is only one man in this world who is truly capable of loving me "forever and a day", and He was tortured to set me free over two thousand years ago. He defeated hell and the grave in order to give me life with Him "forever and a day." There isn't a man alive who has ever gone through that for me, or ever could. And, there is only one man who has ever lived that has never given up on me, and loves me no matter how many times I fail him.

I came to the conclusion that it would definitely take an act of God to make me happy with anyone else after getting to know Him.

Chapter 5. Fish and Wine

I began to suffer from a chronic feeling of "blah" in my spirit. All of the things I wanted to do seemed hindered by a lack of money. I felt it pointless to envision anything.

I tried to keep my spirits up so that it would not lead to depression, however, and continued to step one foot in front of the other, praying for guidance and focusing on what I could do from where I was. God had brought me this far. He wasn't going to leave me here. I believed that, and constantly reminded myself of that.

I spent extra time at home working with my chihuahua, Milo, training him to be a mindful puppy. He was happy and giving of his unconditional love for me, and I saw great progress. I thanked God for my puppy, who gave me such great joy and companionship. It broke my heart to even think of what life would be without him.

I struggled to maintain my internet, so I could feel somewhat productive when I wasn't at work, but halfway into the month, I found myself having to go to the restaurant that offered free WiFi to answer emails, yet again. As always, my trusty cell-phone kept me in contact with all of my social media friends and family.

I had learned to be thankful for things I didn't have, or when things didn't work according to plans, because the journey involved in getting those things sometimes afforded opportunities I wouldn't have had otherwise. Many times, I found that because of the struggles or experiences I had along the way, more doors were opened to me that otherwise would have remained shut. So, I opted to take full advantage of any situation I found myself in, and saw my goal of getting a car as a mere opportunity to plan for the future, and to make the most of the day at hand.

As I reflected on this, I realized that even in my "blahness", God had not stepped away from me. He was still working toward good in my life, carefully restructuring the days, hours, minutes, and seconds of my future to work for the best, both for me and for His own glorification. Therefore, even in my "blahness", I determined to praise Him!

I decided it was best to use these "quiet times" to reflect on my life thus far, as well as dig into the Word. I realized that everything that happens in life is training for what is to come. I could choose to be bitter and discontent with right now, or I could embrace it and take full advantage of the moment, living as fully as I am able and making every moment count.

As I continued to long for a way to bless others, my mom and step-dad brought me a big box of assorted packs of trail mix and candy bars that they had obtained from an auction they recently attended. I was delighted.

I made a small bag of goodies and took them to my landlord for his grandchildren. Then, I counted out a few to give my co-workers. I still had lots to snack on after that. I, once again, saw this as a message from God that He would provide for the opportunity to bless others, if I am willing to do the footwork. It kept me smiling, and it kept me looking for opportunities.

Where would I be without God in my life? Bitter? Broken? Hurt? Angry? Discouraged? Discontent? But now I found joy, peace, fulfillment, love, and hope! I thanked God for being who He was, so I could be who He created me to be!

At one point, I became weary of eating processed finger foods for supper (it was cheaper), and started dreaming of eating at my favorite Chinese buffet. I was scheduled off on the weekend. So, jokingly, I opened up social media and asked if anyone wanted to buy me dinner at China King. Though a couple of my friends laughed, there were no takers.

I had just about talked myself into spending the money when my mother called to invite me to her house for the night for a card party with the family. I accepted. God apparently didn’t want me to spend that money, yet. We had sandwiches and chips and homemade dip, brownies and cookies and candies to snack on. It was refreshing to my spirit, and comforting to be with family.

The next day, Mom brought me home and gave me two bags of fish they had frozen (they fish a lot) and a bottle of wine my grandma had left them last Christmas.

“Fish and wine,” I thought. God had not only comforted me, He had said, “Let me buy you dinner.” Of course, I made sure not to overindulge.

​Ecclesiastes 9:7

“Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works”

Chapter 1: I'm Single Again. Now What?

It was December 31, 2013.

The last time I found myself single, I took inventory of my life. I came to the determination that the reason I was single was because I had not done things God’s way. If everything had been done the way God said to do it in His Word, my marriages wouldn’t have failed. I would have never ended up in an abusive relationship, living in sin for 5 years. My children wouldn't be living in two different places 500 miles away from me with two different fathers whom I had never been married to. I wouldn’t have had any of the bad memories I had throughout my life.

I wasn’t raised with Godly role models to learn from. Everything I learned about God, I learned in church as a child -- a church I attended because it was close by, and my grandma had taken me to church with her when I visited her, and I was curious. My parents did not attend with me, but did not stop me from going.

If only I hadn't “settled” for less than what I knew the Father wanted for me.

It was time I did things God’s Way. So, I set about reading the Bible and studying His Word, once again.

I came to the conclusion that I was correct. The reason I had been in such miserable relationships was because I was in it for my own means, and not for God’s. I sinned. I made a lot of mistakes in my relationships that I wouldn’t have made if God had been my focus.

Both Einstein and Ben Franklin have been quoted as saying that “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results”. As I looked back on my life up to that point, I wondered if I was, in fact, insane. Now, it was time to change all that if I planned to change the direction in which my life had been going, not to mention put some sane stability back into my life.

I read the Book of Nehemiah in the Bible. In the 13th Chapter of Nehemiah, Nehemiah is tasked with setting things right before the Lord. The Temple that had been violated, the Sabbath that had not been kept, and the Laws of Purity that had been ignored had to all be cleansed and reinstated. Once that was taken taken care of, God, who had withheld His blessings was ready to bless Israel once again.

My life had been broken, my body was violated. All of the rules I had learned as a child had been ignored. Everything my Bible had taught me was null because I had ignored the laws that God gave me.

It was time to set things right so God could bless me as He said He would in His Word. It was time to ask Jesus to change me from the inside out.

“God”, I prayed, “I am far from perfect, but I want to be. I want You to look at me and be able to say, That’s My daughter! So, Lord, I need Your guidance. Will You show me how? Will You forgive me for all of my mistakes? I’m ready for a good change. For YOU, Lord, and Your glory. In Your Name, Amen!”

And, I rededicated my life to Him that day.

Immediately, I set about cleaning my apartment. If I couldn’t use it, or if it wasn’t mine, or if I couldn’t wear it or didn’t need it, it was either boxed up to be given to my ex, whom I’d spent the last five years living in sin with, or thrown into the trash. It was a physical manifestation of what I wanted spiritually in my life.

When I was done, my apartment was completely spotless and organized. I slept better at night. I was ready for whatever was to come.

In my quiet time as I listened for God to speak, it was as if I heard Him whisper, “Come out, and be ye separate.” I looked up the phrase and found it in 2 Corinthians 6, and His message to me that day fit.

2 Corinthians

Chapter 6

14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,

18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.


I felt as if God had wrapped His arms around me and said,

“Okay, let’s do this. You are MINE. I love you, very much. NOTHING can change that. Now, let me show you what we can do together!”

When I went to sleep, I did not feel lonely. I did not cry myself to sleep. I was at peace. It was a blissful comfort, and I smiled as I drifted off for the night. I was free to be who God intended for me to be, and now, more than ever, I intended to be that person.