Chapter 37: Homecoming in Lubbock

I started the long drive back to Texarkana, to get my car fixed. I knew my trusty mechanic would welcome me with an open stall.

I Ubered along the way, stopping in Wichita Falls for the night, and Ubering their the next day until I got enough gas money to keep going.

I had been sending money to my brother's books. He was currently in prison, and since my dad died, I was all he had, so I felt it was my responsibility to help him as much as I could.

My dad, when he died, left him a sizeable amount of money, and his property, with the stipulation that someone had to live on the property, he couldn't sell it for ten years, and he had to maintain the taxes on the property during that time, or the property would automatically revert to my name.

I didn't want the property, to be honest. It was located on the Arkansas side of Texarkana, and the house was condemned. I didn't want to spend the money for the upkeep. I didn't want the responsibility.

As I said, I was on my way back to Texarkana, and all I had was $500.

On the way, I read historical markers and passed by the biggest provider of hay on this side of the United States!

There was really nothing to see but a lot of grass. If I hadn't stopped to read the marker, I might not have realized how much there was to actually see.

When I got to Wyndham, Texas, about two hours from Texarkana on Highway 82, I stopped to get a bite to eat and use the restroom at a truck stop. When I got back to my car, I started it and put it in the reverse to back out of the parking spot I was in, and the car wouldn't go.

I was stuck.

I started begging for help on Facebook, only to face another barrage of attacks from followers on the social media site.

I finally contacted a local garage, who came and towed my vehicle to their shop. I was informed that I needed a new transmission.

This, again.

But, at least this time, the car was MINE. I owed no car payment. And, it wasn't the same kind of transmission that the Ford Focus had a year ago.

Still, it would be two days before they could have it fixed, and it would take a big chunk of my $500 just to get a room while I waited, and the transmission was going to cost $3,000. My aunt was taking care of my brother's money for him at the time. She suggested I ask him for a loan.

I contacted my brother and asked to borrow $4000 for the repairs on the transmission, to ensure I had enough in case there were other things that needed to be fixed, as well. I told him that without my car I can't work, and if I can't work, I can't send him any money because I have to pay for my phone and my credit cards I use to do that with, so it was in BOTH of our best interest if he did.

He agreed, and I promised to send him $50 a week until it was paid off.

My car was fixed.

God had opened another door, and I was beyond grateful!

I drove to Texarkana, to ensure everything was fixed, and the check engine light came on. I had to get a few more things taken care of that cost about $400 more, then drove around Texarkana for about two days, to make sure all was good before I headed back to Lubbock to resume my travels.

I was actually missing Lubbock. I never thought I could miss a town I didn't live in, but, as I said, I was in love with Lubbock.

When I bought the car, it had 102,000 miles on it. At this point, it already had 138,000 miles on it. And, it wasn't a CVS transmission; so, I was confident that the transmission would hold.

I went back to Lubbock and drove around until the end of October. Before I left, I went to see the Lake Lubbock Landmark:

And, I saw the Windmill Museum:

I also got to work in Lubbock on game day. The football game for Texas Tech against A&M was the biggest game of the year. Thousands of people were flocking to the AT&T stadium for the big game! It was an exciting event, and I was blessed to be able there to provide my services!

It was a grand experience. I remembered working the AT&T stadium in Arlington, and how busy it was there. I hated that experience, because the traffic was so congested in Arlington. But, the traffic in Lubbock was quite manageable. I would take that over Arlington any day!

However, I had my suitcase, hygiene kit, and blankets and pillows in my trunk. And, I could only transport 3 people in the back seat of my car at any given time, because I had my cooler and necessity box in the front seat - and I didn't want strangers riding in the front with me, anyway. If anyone had luggage, it had to fit in the back seat with them.

Customers for the game day celebration had lawn chairs and ice chests, and sometime 4 or 5 people at a time. I had to do a lot of cancellations. So, I ended up turning off Uber for a few hours until game day was cleared.

When it started, I noticed a statue that was covered in red plastic. It was a horse and rider. It was the "Lone Raider" statue. I asked why it was covered in plastic and a customer explained to me how A&M had vandalized the statue one year before the game day. So now, they cover the statue for a week before the game, and post Raider guards from the teams 24 hours a day as a tradition since then. I found that interesting!

Then, close to the end of October, there was the Texas Tech Homecoming Parade. It was the most talked about event of the whole month I was there. I was blessed to be able to turn off the app and find a great place to park in order to watch it!

By the end of the month, I knew that if I didn't leave Lubbock, I was NEVER going to leave. I was so in love with that city! I felt like I was home.

To this day, I have not found the spirit that Lubbock has in any other city in Texas.

While I was there, I also got to drive one of the World Wrestling Entertainment directors to the Lubbock Airport, AND, I also met one of the owners of Sam's Southern Eatery, who was looking for a new spot to land another restaurant. Lubbock didn't have one, yet.

One week in October, I decided to go to Amarillo. On my way, I would see Abernathy.

Chapter 36: Lubbock

When I finally got to Lubbock, Texas, I decided to Uber around and pick up passengers.

I found that picking up passengers in the cities I visited not only gave me the chance to tell my story, but to also get to know the cities in ways that would not have been possible if I was just passing through. I still had bills to pay, so I still had to make a living.

I would talk to the customers and find out what they liked and disliked about their cities. I would ask questions. I would give answers, based on the information I gathered. And, I would see and experience things I normally wouldn't get to experience otherwise.

Someone told me I should go and see Prairie Dog Town in McKenzie Park. I did a Google search and found out more about it, then I went to go see it, and posted pictures on Facebook for my friends and family to be jealous.

I had never seen a prairie dog before. They were adorable!

I fell in love with Lubbock.

The city was clean. The streets were well maintained, aside from a few construction spots - which every city has. It was laid out in a way that made it so easy to navigate!

There were about 250,000 people there, and even though it was a fairly big city, it acted like a small town. Everyone knew everyone, and everyone could tell you what was going at any given time in the city.

There were lots of great places to eat and be entertained.

I drove Coe Wetzel's bus driver to a motel from the venue they were playing at, Cook's Garage!

I drove on Buddy Holly Drive and Mac Davis Street, both were natives of Lubbock, and Lubbock was proud of them!

After about a week of driving around in Lubbock, seeing Texas Tech University and picking up customers there on a daily basis, my car started acting up. I took it to a local mechanic, but they wanted to charge me $165 just to look at it. I only had $500 in my savings, and what I thought was wrong with it might cost about $400, so I figured I should go back to Texarkana to have my mechanic check it out. So, I started on the 8 hour trip back to Texarkana.

It was the first week of October.

Chapter 35: Abernathy or Bust

I went to my doctor's appointment on September 19th, 2024. I got a prescription refill, and she set my next appointment for six months later, February 13, 2025. So, I knew I had plenty of time to travel.

I went back to the Dallas area for about three days, traveling to all the cities I could in those three days, and sleeping at the nearest truck stop I could find at the end of the day.

I went and purchased a Planet Fitness membership, so I could shower any time I needed to on my travels without having to pay $18 every time I showered. The membership was only $28/month out of my account. It was worth it.

Then, I decided to see the next city on my list of cities I had found in Texas. There were 1,518 cities in Texas, and my goal was to see each and every one of them, and talk to people and tell my story as I did so.

God had put me out here. He wanted me to tell the story, so I did.

Each time I told it, I watched my passengers' faces go from anger and shock, to tearful, to joy and amazement. Each of them would thank me for sharing it with them, and told me that I should "write a book", but encouraged me to keep telling it. Many of them said it was what they needed to hear it. It gave them hope. It made them look at their problems in a whole different perspective. I praised God that He had given me such a powerful story to tell!

I travelled toward Lubbock, on my way to Abernathy, Texas, reading all the historical markers I could find on the way. I was in no great hurry to be anywhere, and God was my guide. I was learning a lot about Texas history and learning to appreciate my home on the road, and the life that God had given me. My motto on Facebook had become, "Home-free. Living the American Dream through Faith and Freedom, One Day at a Time!"

I hadn't eaten all day. I was hungry; so, I decided to find a small "mom and pop" diner to eat at.

I was in Windthorst, Texas, at a little crossroads, wondering which direction to take when I saw a general store that was caddy corner to the place I was. On the outside of the little store was a gigantic sign that read, "Windthorst General Store: Established in 1892"!

I immediately parked there and took photos to post on Facebook. I loved posting stuff on Facebook so my friends and family could share in the abundant life God was giving me!

I walked inside and there were two big, burly men with beards, paying for their items at the counter. They looked like bikers without a bike. Definitely the "redneck" type.

I told them I was travelling, trying to see all the cities in Texas, and that I hadn't eaten all day, and asked where the nearest restaurant was.

One of the men said in a big Texas drawl, "Ye can get somethin' ta eat here!"

Okay, then! I smiled. I got a German Sausage wrap, which is something I had never had before, and went on my way. I always tried to get something I had never tried before, because, after all, it was all about having "NEW" experiences.

About an hour later, I found myself reading about five historical markers at the Lake Dewey Landmark.

There was no lake to be seen, however. I kept looking for it. Then, the last historical marker explained that the lake had been drained by the natural formation of a creek nearly 100 years ago. A lot of historical things happened around that lake that formed Texas history.

Then, I found myself in Lubbock, Texas.

Chapter 34: The Garden

In late March, I went to my doctor's appointment, then I loaded my car with my suitcase, hygiene kit, blankets and pillows and left, after visiting my mom's grave, to back to the Dallas area to work, and to start making a list of all the cities that I work in around that area.

It was starting to get warmer at night, and sleeping in my car would be a challenge, I knew, so I determined to pay my cousin $20 a day for letting me stay in her extra bedroom.

She didn't ask for it, but I offered. I didn't want to wear out my welcome there.

In June, my control arms broke on my vehicle. I had to get them replaced at the local Firestone, because driving back to Texarkana was not an option. My mechanic had taken out a warranty for them, but I was unable to be compensated due to the fact I had the second repairs at Firestone in Dallas, and they were replaced by a different company.

At this point, I only had about $500 left.

Then, my cluster went out. I had to have that replaced.

I borrowed some money from my cousin, and I felt like an imp doing so. I was able to pay her back, but I couldn't keep up with my bills and pay $20/day. I apologized to her profusely, but she took it all in stride and told me I shouldn't worry about it. After all, I was family.

I will forever be grateful to her for that!

While I was in the Dallas area, my spirits started to revive when I realized the position that God had placed me in.

I got to see things I'd never taken notice of before.

I saw the Mary Kay building. (I expected it to be pink, but it wasn't! It was brown brick, just like any other building).

I saw the Dallas Baptist University. It was beautiful!

I saw Arlington's AT&T Stadium on game day (it was a mess!).

I got to try Thai food in Sherman, Korean food in Denton, Vietnamese food in Garland. I ate Cajun food in Mesquite, Salvadorian food in Irving, Chinese food in Dallas, and the best Mexican food I ever had in my life in Grand Prairie!

I saw Trader's village in Grand Prairie. It was HUGE!

I started embracing and enjoying my life again.

I got to see the Southfork Ranch in Parker, and the Stockyards in Fort Worth!

Since I had to be careful of my diet, I stayed away from fast food as much as I could. I could get a burger anywhere, at any time, but I knew that wasn't healthy for me. So, I stayed away from burgers and fries as a rule.

But, one day I was craving a burger. I figured if I was going to eat a burger, then it had to be a GOOD burger. Something special.

I was in Fort Worth, so I did a Google search and went to a little place near downtown called "Station M&O Grill and Cocktail Lounge".

I walked into the little bar, and an older gentleman behind the counter said, "Can I help you?"

I took a breath as I looked at all the "Best Burger in Fort Worth" awards on the wall.

I said, "I'm searching for the best burger I have never had."

He said, "My name is Chef Danny. I think I can accommodate."

He suggested I try the "Tijuana Burger". He explained that he cooks his burgers in a bleu cheese butter sauce that he makes himself.

I took his suggestion and ordered it with Sweet Potato fries and a glass of Sweet Tea.

He personally brought the burger to me. It was beautifully stacked with all the fixings, avocados, and topped with blue cheese sauce on top.

It was beautiful, and messy, and VERY delicious. The sweet potato fries were seasoned just right. The tea was delicious. And, he sat and talked with me about my adventures while I ate.

He told me that he started out at the Petroleum Club in Fort Worth as a young man and showed me pictures on the wall of himself as a young man there.

When I left that little lounge that day, I could honestly say I had the best burger, and the best eating experience, I had ever had in my life!

I got to talk to people from all over the world in my car, as I drove them from point A to point B.

I heard lots of stories, gave lots of advice, and told my story to as many people who would listen as I could.

One girl from Australia told me how they drive on the left side of the road in her country. She said that the first time an Uber driver turned "right on red", it scared her half to death here!

I had a doctor's appointment in Texarkana in September, so I decided it was time to get ready to move out of my cousin's apartment and continue my travels. The weather was cooling off enough for me to be able to sleep in my car again, and, as I said, I didn't want to wear out my welcome.

But, I wanted to take my cousin some place special to treat her for her kindness.

So, I wanted to take her to that Mexican place, The Hacienda Buffet, in Grand Prairie.

As we drove to the restaurant, she told me how much she enjoyed eating at Poncho's.

I explained to her that Poncho's was more of a "commercialized" Mexican buffet, and where we were going had more "authentic" food. I don't think she could wrap her head around it, which made the experience even more thrilling for me!

We went inside and the buffet cost $25/person. She said, "Oh, my, that's a little much. Why don't we go Dutch?"

I refused. "NO," I said, "This is my treat. AND, it will be worth it when I see your face."

We walked inside, and there were buffet bars everywhere. Bars with Mexican entrees, Mexican vegetables, Mexican salads, and desserts! Any way you wanted to make a taco, or fajita or whatever!

We went to the table and a waiter brought our drinks and whatever kinds of tortillas we liked.

It was an awesome experience! She took one look around and said, "I just THOUGHT I knew Mexican food. I didn't know CRAP! I've GOT to bring my dad HERE!"

It made me feel good.

I saw the Fort Worth Stockyards, and got to eat at the Badazz Burrito in Fort Worth. It was the home of the 3 lb and 11 lb burrito. A sign on the wall said, "Take the Burrito Challenge!". I asked about it. They said if you eat the 11 lb Burrito in less than 4 minutes, you get $400.

No. I didn't try it.

As I left the Dallas area to go to my doctor's appointment in Texarkana, I praised God and thanked Him for His blessings, for the experiences I had had for the past few months, and petitioned for His guidance and I continued my journey with Him.

I started to realize the unique position He had placed me in, to be able to experience a life that others only talk about maybe having one day. I was having that life out of necessity, and I was blessed to be able to!

I was beginning to learn that I didn't have to have a lot of "stuff" in order to live an abundant life.

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 My bills were caught up. I was still paying them down, but I had everything I needed. I was blessed.

The world was His garden, and I was blessed to walk...or drive...in it.

Chapter 33: Take It All Back

December, and then January of 2024, I worked all around the Dallas area on the Lyft app, paying for my rental, sleeping and showering at the truck stops, and doing good.

I was slowly falling behind on my bills, but at least I could pay something.

At this point, I was paying $3,500 a month in bills, and I paid them all on-line so I wouldn't have to go back to Texarkana.

A big water blister formed on my leg, just before I had left Texarkana around the first of December. It would not heal. It drained constantly. My legs were swollen.

I had already dropped my insurance, because I couldn't afford it.

On February 3, 2024, my aunt called me and told me to come back to Texarkana. My dad, apparently, had left me some money. She wanted to give it to me.

I left the Dallas area and drove all the way back to Texarkana in my Lyft rental vehicle. My car was still in storage in Bedford, Texas.

I picked up a check for $25,000.

I was beyond thankful!

I thanked God all the way to the Emergency Room. I figured I should get my legs looked at. I hadn't even cashed the check yet.

The Hospital doctors ran tests and took exrays, then informed me, "Ms. Ponder, you have congestive heart failure!"

They told me to make an appointment with my doctor, and gave me Ferosimide and Potassium for the swelling. I would have to take it, or risk dying. So, I made an appointment with my doctor, and went back to Bedford to get my car out of storage.

So, now, there was REALLY nothing I could do but drive for a living.

I messaged my step dad to let him know that all was forgiven. My dad was taking care of me from beyond the grave, but that all of the problems that occurred after they didn't help me led to me getting congestive heart failure. They had effectively murdered me, but I loved them, anyway.

Ten minutes later, my cousin from Grand Prairie called me and informed me that she was so sorry, she had just been informed that my mother had passed away that morning.

I called my sister, who immediately condemned me for my message to my step dad, which he had apparently got while he was still at the hospital with my mother.

I decided, at that point, it was best not to attend the funeral, due to my current health situation. I didn't need any more stress than I already had, and I would not survive being someone's emotional punching bag. I would go to the grave later, in a few weeks, alone, to pay my respects.

When I got to Bedford, I gave up my Lyft vehicle. I went to get my car out of storage, and I felt HORRIBLE. I was so fatigued, I thought I was going to pass out. So, I called my cousin, who lived in Grand Prairie, and had offered me her extra bedroom if I needed it.

I stayed with her for a week, until I got strong enough to go back to Texarkana.

When I got back to Texarkana, I cashed the check and rented a motel room.

At this point, I just needed a break. I was feeling every emotion under the sun and I needed to recuperate from all the stress.

I got caught up on all my bills and payed them a month ahead of time. Then, I got out my list, and started paying everyone back who helped me.

I went to my mechanic and gave him a generous $1,000 gift. I thought he was going to cry. Tears came to his eyes as he said, "Ms. Ponder, I don't care if it is 2:00 in the morning, and you are 200 miles away, if you need me, you call me, do you hear me?"

Then, I went to the doctor and got a prescription for 90 days of the medication I needed.

When all was said and done, I had about $15,000 left to spend.

I sat in my room, wondering what I was going to do.

I was going through Facebook one morning, and a memory post popped up, reminding me of what I had posted one year ago, to that date.

It was The Dream.

God had told me to give up everything I owned. (I had done that, because I had no choice). He told me to get a shipping post mailbox. (I had one, because I had to have a way to get my mail). He told me to get a storage unit for what I absolutely needed. (I had one). He told me to move into my car (I had done that) and to travel and tell people the story He was about to give me at that time.

It was at that point that all of the emotions I had been feeling drained away. I realized I was exactly where God wanted me to be.

When I didn't do what God wanted me to do right away, He orchestrated the events to put me there, whether I wanted to be there or not.

So, I re-posted the dream, and added:

"Hey, ya'll remember when I posted this last year?

"LOOK at all the negative responses ya'll gave me.

"At this point in my life, I don't know if I am Job, or I am Jonah. I just know that, right now, I am EXACTLY where God wants me to be.

"I have a little bit of money now. I can use it to try to get back a lot of what I have lost over the past year, and probably end up back right where I am with NOTHING left. OR, I can do what God told me to do to begin with and see where that takes me.

"I think I am going to buy another car and go see every city in the state of Texas."

On March 15, 2024, I went to Stone Motors on New Boston road and found a car that I wanted. I took it to my mechanic, and had him look at it before I bought it. He added up the cost of getting it Uber ready, and told me it was a good buy.

So, I spent $4,700 to buy a Chevrolet HHR.

Then, I took it to the shop, had spark plugs, auto-pilot light, control arms, tie rods, cabin air filter, and tire pressure monitoring system and brake pads and front brakes put on it. And I got new tires. That cost me another $4500. But, it was MY car. It was paid for. I didn't owe a payment on it.

I got the insurance on it, then I took the Ford Focus back to the dealership and told them I was done with that car.

The bank said, "Ms. Ponder, you owe us $15,000."

I said, "In the fifteen months I have had this car, I have spent nearly $35,000 keeping it on the road. You aren't getting another dime from me. You can have it back."

They said, "It's gonna hurt your credit!"

I said, "I have fifteen loans, credit cards and revolving loans due to this car. I can reborrow off of them as needed. In seven years, my credit will be okay again. You aren't getting another DIME from me!"

Then, I went back to the motel room to prepare and pray.

Chapter 32: The Patience of Job

On June 13, my aunt contacted me to let me know my dad was in the hospital. He had all his house in order, and he was on borrowed time.

My relationship with my dad was always rocky, but he was my daddy, and I loved him. But, I was advised that due to his volitile personality, it was probably best that I didn't go to see him. It was in my best interest that I didn't. I knew, at that point, that I would never see my daddy alive again.

My dad had always had heart problems. But, about two months before, he was informed he had lung cancer. He was put on hospice. He was too old for a transplant, so there was no hope. Ironically, it was liver failure that killed him.

Two days later, I got the call that he had passed. I went to the hospital to be with the family and made phone calls to let my mom know (they had divorced when I was two years old), and some other close extended family. I supported my aunt, who was named executor to the will, until she informed me that there was nothing else for me to do, and then I went back to work until the funeral.

I was truly grateful for my aunt, who was in charge of getting everything in order. I don't think I could have done anything at that point. I was not mentally or financially capable, due to my current situation. I was just as thankful that my nephew had been there when he passed. He was the apple of my daddy's eye.

I continued to work on survival mode as I went through this.

About the same time this was going on, I was informed that my friend, Gary, who had lived with me in the trailer in New Boston, had brain cancer. He wasn't going to survive that, either.

Around mid-July, he passed away. I did what I could to contact his sister, and to help Fred, my other friend who was living with him, to move out of the apartment and get a bus ticket to New Mexico where he thought he would be okay.

A week after Fred left, I was informed that my former "live-in maid", who was living in the same apartment complex that Gary and Fred had been in, was found lifeless in her bathtub.

In less than two months, I had lost my baby dogs, my dad, and three of my closest best friends.

I stayed in the Texarkana area, working, still on survival mode, trying to get through one day at a time, in spite of all the bills I had accumalated.

The ground underneath me was shaky. I was begging God for some relief, but no relief was in site.

One day, as I was driving off the ramp from the loop to get onto New Boston Road, a construction driver decided to turn right from the left lane as I was passing him. I swerved, but not before he dented my driver side door and damaged my rear bumper.

There was no damage done to his vehicle, and I chose not to call the cops, because I needed to work and there would be too much paperwork involved and it would have cost the guy his job. What's a little dent?

Now my car was banged up, and I was still on survival mode. And, the weather was getting cold.

I called my mom to ask if she would rent me her extra bedroom. She said no.

Now I was even more angry at my mother. I was so angry that I didn't even want to talk to her.

She called me one night when it was freezing outside and said, "I am still your mother." I said, "I am still your daughter."

She said, "How are you?"

I said, "How do you think I am? I am sleeping in my car and it is freezing outside!"

She said, "Well, that's not good." And then, she hung up on me.

She called again a few days later, asking how I was doing.

I asked her why she even asked, since she wasn't going to help me. She hung up on me.

So, yes, I was angry.

I was hurt.

I was grieving.

I was stressed out from all the bills and worry about my car.

I had every negative emotion in the book.

But, I kept moving forward. I kept paying my bills. I kept working. And, I kept praying - HARD.

I was angry at God, too. But, I knew He had a plan. I knew He was in control. I knew there was a reason, even if I didn't know what the reason was, and I kept asking Him for it.

In October, there was a big rain storm. Water got in my radiator. I ended up having to borrow more money for three transmission flushes, on top of everything else that was wrong with the car.

In November, my car started acting up again. I suspected the transmission was going to go out again, but I knew I didn't have enough credit to obtain the money to fix it. What was I going to do?

God opened a door.

I payed off my biggest revolving loan, which was about $3,500. I re-borrowed that money, then got my bills caught up.

I then got on the Lyft app and rented a vehicle. It would cost me $350/week to drive it, and I would have to go to Bedford, Texas to pick it up. But, at least I wouldn't have to worry about my car breaking down on me as I worked. And, I could work in the Dallas area, where the money was good.

Chapter 31: Angels Among Us

It was April, 2023. My transmission had gone out a second time. I was praying for an Angel to help me because I was depleted in all my accounts and my rent was falling behind.

I walked into an automotive place on New Boston Road that my Uncle suggested, saying they could help me finance the repairs. It was my only option.

The man behind the counter was talking to a customer. When he finished, I explained my situation to him.

He said, "I'm sorry, but we don't work on those types of transmissions."

I felt my heart drop. "What can I do?" Driving is all I can do for a living. This was my only hope, and it was crushed.

This shop had not been open for very long. The business was slow there, getting started.

That night, the man I talked to had a dream. God came to him and said, "Help her, and I will bless you." He later told me that he had tossed and turned all night.

The next day, he messaged me on Facebook, "Miss Ponder, come by the shop. We will help you. We will get you some financing and you can get back on the road."

So, I went back, still stinging from the previous rejection, but more than willing to give him a second chance.

He helped me obtain another loan, and kept my car for nearly three weeks as they waited for another transmission to come in.

By this time, I was so far behind on rent that I knew I wasn't going to be able to catch up before an eviction notice was sent out, so I decided that the best thing I could do was go ahead and move out of my apartment.

The decision was heartbreaking.

I had to take my two baby dogs to Bernice, Louisiana to live with some step-cousins who had kept them before when I was in a bind. I knew they would have a good home there, but it broke my heart to see them go. I knew I would never get them back again.

Another cousin, who was waiting on his disability, offered me a place to stay until I could get back on my feet.

So, I loaded what I could and moved in with them as I waited.

I had to leave everything I couldn't carry behind. I had no where to put it.

While I waited for my car to be repaired, my cousin's wife started throwing illogical fits over little things. A drop of tea on the table that I didn't wipe up, not realizing it was there. My room being so crowded with my belongings, because I didn't have room for it all to go in the closet. The fact that I would work and buy a Whopper Jr for lunch, even though I ate supper with them at night.

It got to the point, they started attacking me on Facebook.

I decided it was the wrong place to be, given my situation.

Another friend offered me shelter, so I got my clothes and what I absolutely needed, and let my cousins have everything else, and I left. And, I blocked them on Facebook.

I stayed with my friends for about two weeks, until I got my car back. I got my car back just in time, too, because they were adopting a little boy, and the state was going to come and do inspections on their home, so they asked me to leave so they could prepare for that. The car had also had the starter and censor replaced.

I got a shipping post mail box and a storage unit for my belongings. I had to have them.

I tried to stay at the Randy Sam's Homeless shelter, but I didn't like the restrictions on my work hours. Truly, I found it more comfortable sleeping in my car than at the shelter, so I moved out of the shelter and took showers at the truck stop.

I decided to go to the Dallas area and work, to try to make more money. So, I put my blankets, pillows, suitcase and hygiene kit into my car and took off.

I worked in the Dallas area for about a month, until the last part of May. I slept at a truck stop in the Denton area, because I hated the traffic in Dallas. But, I was fast catching up on my bills.

One day, as I came off the ramp coming out of the Dallas International Airport, my transmission fault light came on again.

My mind raced. What was I going to do now? I was in Dallas. There was no one here who could help me. The only thing I knew to do was to try to make it back to Texarkana in my car.

I drove all the way back to Texarkana, fighting the transmission. I got the car in the shop parking lot and handed the keys to my mechanic. They tried to get the car into the stall, but at that point, it wasn't going anywhere. I was blessed to have made it there at all!

I had to take out another loan - and another credit card. To make a long story short, by the end of 2023, I had FIFTEEN loans, credit cards and revolving loans, and countless gifts and loans from friends to get me through. I was $35,000 in debt because of that car.

The dealership wouldn't even let me trade it in, due to the negative equity on the car.

Every time I took my car into the mechanic's shop, he would tell me, "Miss Ponder, this car is possessed. We don't like it. It don't like YOU. You need to get RID of it!"

I would tell him, "I know. I know. But, I don't have the money for a down payment on another car. I don't have the credit for one. There is too much negative equity on this car. Just get me back on the road, and I promise you I will bless when I am able."

This time, he was gracious enough to let me even sleep on his couch while he repaired my car.

This man didn't know me from Adam. He was bending over backwards to help me when I needed it. His business was flourishing, and he truly believed it was because God was blessing him for it, so he helped me.

The apartment complex I had moved out of, at this time, slapped me with a $5,000 clean-up fee. If I had had $5,000, I would have never had to move. Now, I couldn't get another apartment even if I wanted to, until that was paid.

I was on survival mode. All I could do was continue to work every day, from daylight until dark, seven days a week.

When I got my car back, I decided to stay in the Texarkana area, because I didn't trust my car and I wanted to be near help in case something went wrong.

I had to replace the water pump, thermostat and housing a few weeks later. The front bumper was falling off, and the engine guard was dragging the ground. I had to have that removed.

Well meaning friends were telling me to file for bankruptcy. They felt it was my only option. I prayed about it, and came to the conclusion that if I filed for bankruptcy, I would have to give up all my loan accounts. Right now, as long as I was paying on the loans, I could re-borrow the money as needed for emergencies. If I filed for bankruptcy, I would have nothing to fall back on and would end up destitute. So, I chose not to do that.

I ended up having to block people on Facebook who were telling me how stupid I was for not doing that. It was as if everyone wanted to see me fail and be on the streets with no way out. All I wanted was to survive.

I prayed to God. I begged Him for a break. I was angry, stressed out, hurt, and on survival mode. I kept asking God why all these things were happening. What had I done to deserve it.

It was June now.

I continued to trust God, even though the ground was shaky and I was fearful.

Chapter 30: The Dream

I continued to wait for the tags.

Sometimes God tells you to "sit still and wait". That is what I was doing, although it was impatiently waiting. However, I knew that God had a plan. I just didn't know what it was. All I could do was wait for Him to move.

2023 rolled around.

Around the middle of February, I was still doing what I had to to make a living, not making as much as I could have been making, and growing more impatient by the day.

One night, after a long day of work, I came home to my two baby dogs, Milo and Otis, and I crawled into bed for a good night's sleep so I could try to make more money the next day to pay my bills with. My savings was nearly gone. I knew God had to do something quick. I was already doing everything I could do alone.

That night, I had a dream. It was a very clear, very vivid dream. It was different than any other dream I have ever had. It was clearly God.

He came to me in a bright flash of light. There was light all around me. I couldn't see his face, but His presence was there. Then, I heard a voice come out of the light:

"Shonda! I want you to give up everything you have. You still have to work, and you will need a mailbox. Get a shipping post mailbox for your mail. Then, I want you put what you ABSOLUTELY NEED in a storage unit. I want you to move into your car and out of your apartment. Then, I want you to travel and tell people the story that I am about to give you."

Then, I woke up. It was morning.

I immediately felt compelled to post the dream on Facebook.

"Hey, ya'll, I had this weird dream last night..."

I told them what happened.

People started responding. Some said, "God would never ask you to do that!"

No? I guess he didn't ask Abraham to take his family out of Ur of the Chaldees and go to a land He was going to show him. And, He wouldn't ask Noah to build a boat in the middle of the desert when it had never rained before. And, Jesus didn't tell the rich young ruler to go and sell all that he had and give it to the poor and "come and follow me"?

"It's too dangerous to be an Uber driver in a place you don't know!"

Oh? Please! It's no more dangerous than working at a convenient store. Their are MILLIONS of Uber drivers in the world. We only hear about the bad incidents from the media. Their job is to make you live in fear! 365 times in the Bible, God said, "Do not fear, for I am with you!"

"You are an older woman. You don't need to be travelling alone. What if something bad happens?"

Okay. What if something bad happens NOW, while I am here in Texarkana? Where will my help come from. Last time I checked, no one is helping me when I need it so far. I can figure it out out there, just like I do here.

But, I was living in a one bedroom apartment, overlooking a swimming pool, with my two baby dogs I've had for ten years, and as long as I can work full force, I'm making good money. Why would I want to change anything?

So, I put the dream away and forgot about it. After all, it WAS just a dream. Right?

I finally got my tags in February.

A week after I got the tags, I was working night time hours when the transmission fault light came on. No problem, I thought. I'd just go home and take my car to the dealership and get it checked out in the morning.

The next morning, I took the car in, and they said I needed a new transmission. I would have to pay $200 for the warranty to cover it. So, I gave them the money, took an Uber home and waited.

After a couple of days, I went back and asked them how long I would have to wait for the transmission. I was told that they didn't know. Ford Motor Company was on strike. They were no longer making transmissions for this type of vehicle right now, everything is on back order. They could get a used transmission, possibly, but did I really want one? Only one in five transmissions in that type of vehicle worked right, anyway.

Had I known all of this, I would not have bought the vehicle. But, right now, I was stuck. So I asked for a loaner.

They had a deal with Avis rent-a-car. The first five days was free, after that, I would have to pay $30 a day to keep driving it, and the bill had to be paid for the rental before I could receive my car.

My savings was depleted. I was only able to do deliveries in the rental, and I was getting behind on rent. I started begging for help, in spite of all the negative reactions on Facebook. I just wanted my car back so I could go back to work...so I wouldn't HAVE to ask for help.

I took out a credit card to sustain me until I could get the car back. I needed it. God opened that door, so I took it.

But, the credit card was not enough to pay for the rental so I could get my car back, after a month and a half of waiting. So, a friend stepped in and generously gave me the balance of what I needed.

It was at this point that I started a google sheet and started listing everyone who gave me anything to help me, along with how much they gave. I determined to make sure everyone got paid back.

When I finally got my car back, I was a little behind on rent, but my apartment manager was working with me. I had been honest about my situation. I set out to work from daylight until dark, seven days a week, until I could get caught up.

I praised God that I was able to go back to work, while, at the same time, thanking Him for the help I had received.

I drove around for about three weeks, trying to catch up on my bills. My savings was gone, and now I had more bills, due to the credit card I had taken out, so I had no choice but to work harder, longer hours, more days, and even nights. Then, my transmission fault light came on again.

So, the next day I went back to the dealership.

"We are sorry, Ms. Ponder, but the mileage that you put on the car due to your Uber driving has expired the warranty. We can't help you, unless you want to pay $4500."

I had no money. I was behind on rent still. I took out another credit card, but it wasn't enough to pay the repairs. Some good Samaritans helped me with my bills enough that I could catch up, but getting behind again was eminent - especially if I couldn't make a living!

I went back to Facebook to beg for help again. The negative reactions came out in force. I was accused of being a bum asking for handouts, when I all I wanted to do was go back to work! I would pay them back, I promised!

Someone told me I should go and ask my church. Every member of my church family was friends with me on Facebook. So, I responded that I WAS asking my church. After all, you ARE the church!

Then I was reprimanded for not going to church every Sunday by people who had not been following my feed. That is when I came to the knowledge that going to church does not make you a good Christian. Going to church is supposed to teach you to be a good Christian when you LEAVE the church building. I began to preach on that.

It did not bother me that people thought less of me for my struggles, because I knew that God knew what I going through and why. And, I knew that God was still in control. But, it did bother me that those people liked to brag about their Christianity and say they would pray for me, not understanding that prayer without action is void. You don't live a sinful life and ask for God's blessing, expecting to receive it.

And, then, it caused me to question God again: "God, what am I doing wrong that all this is happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?"

I was stressed, and even more angry at my mom, because if she had agreed to co-sign for me, I would have had a much better car.

At this point, I was paying $421 a month on a car that I couldn't drive, and I was getting even further behind on my bills because driving was all I could do for a living. What was I going to do?

I started praying to God for an Angel to step in and help me.

Chapter 29: Questioning God

After I got my tire fixed, I took the car back to Car Mart, after I took it to several places to see if they could help me with my trunk latch.

If I couldn't get my trunk latch to open, it would be nearly impossible for me to do grocery deliveries for Walmart through the spark app, and that was my second biggest income, after passenger pick-ups. Plus, if I picked up a passenger with luggage, I had to have a place to put it.

Even if I could find another job, I could not see going to work for anyone else after doing what I did since November of 2020 and making 3 times what I was making before. Why would I want to downgrade? I just needed to get the car back on the road at full force again.

I told CarMart that if they couldn't help me with this car, then I would have to get another one. They said I had not had the car long enough to trade in. But, they were willing to fix it for me and add to the payments.

So, one morning, as I was waiting for food at Dunkin' Donuts to deliver to a customer, a guy who worked for Orr Classic of Texarkana came in. He was a salesman.

I engaged him in conversation and he told me to come by and see what he could do for me.

I went to his place of business, and after doing the research he said he could get me a new car, but it would cost me about $4,000 for a down payment, unless I could find a co-signer.

All I had was $3,000 left in my brokerage account. It was steadily growing, but it didn't help me right now, when I needed it.

So, I called my mom and asked her to co-sign. Surely, she would! After all, I had paid her back every penny of every time I had borrowed from her. And, I hadn't been behind on a bill, except my rent - which was caught up - since I got rid of my ex in 2013. Surely, 10 years of good credit accounted for something!

She talked it over with my step-dad, and came back with "No."

I was angry. This was my life we were talking about! Without my car I couldn't make a living. This was life or death!

I told my step-dad, "Fine. If you don't help me, then I will be forced to work a LOT of overtime until I can do it myself. I will have no time for you or mom. So, don't expect to see or hear from me for a while. And don't get mad when you invite me over and I say "No."

I started putting out feelers for help in doing what I needed to do to get another vehicle. And, of course, I got negative reactions from a lot of people.

But, God was in control. I knew this. And, I knew He would find away, if I kept walking toward my goals. After all, there was nothing I was doing that would displease Him. I was just wanting to make a living.

And, I really believed that God had led me to doing all of the driving gigs at the right time, just when He knew I would need it because of my impending bad health problems. So, I felt compelled to keep doing it.

After about three weeks of doing what I could to work, and stewing in my anger at my mom's rejection, the guy from Orr called me back. He had a vehicle he wanted to sell to me. It would only cost me $1,000 down. The payments would be $421 a month, which was about what I was already paying on the PT Cruiser at Car Mart.

I felt like this was an answer to my prayers.

My air conditioning unit in my PT Cruiser was going out, and it was still warm outside. There was no way I was going to drive customers with my windows down and risk the tips I needed to make to sustain my pay. Besides, what if it rained on a warm day and I had to keep the windows up? So I took the car back to CarMart and I bought a 2017 Ford Focus from Orr Classic.

I spent $1,000 out of the "God Account" to do this, and that left me with nearly $2,000 to work with for emergencies.

I was so proud of myself!

When you do driving gigs like I do, it is possible to do deliveries in any car you are in. But, in order to do passenger pickups, you have to be in a car that is registered in your name. So, I had to wait for the tags before I could work full force again. I figured I could manage for the six weeks it would take for me to get my tags in, and only use what I had to out of the God account to make sure my bills were paid on time. Deliveries only paid about half as much as doing passenger pick-ups, so I had to take a pay cut while I waited.

Going from $170/day to $65 a day was hard. I still had to keep up with the maintenance and gas while I worked. But I was making it.

The check engine light came after a few weeks. The fuel injector was replaced on the car for free by the dealership, since I had just bought the car.

When I finally went in to check on my tags, they were not yet available. It was November. I was getting anxious. My savings was getting slowly depleted. I prayed and had faith. It was all I could do.

By December, I was getting angry. Why were my tags taking so long? Did Orr Classic not realize that my life was hanging in the balance? When I told them this, they laughed and said, "Oh, nothing is THAT bad!"

That was easy for them to say, but if I couldn't pay my bills, I was going to end up on the streets, and my savings was nearly gone!

They finally informed me that the dealership had bought the car from a guy who used to live in California. When they sent to California for the title, California sent the title to the previous owner's old address in California, instead of to the dealership, so they were having to file for a lost title. This would take months. They apologized and agreed to cover my car payments for me while I waited.

There was nothing I could but wait. The car payment helped, but that didn't pay my other bills that I was slowly starting to worry about.

I prayed to God even harder for relief. I continued to have faith, but I was asking, "What are You doing and why?".

Chapter 28: A New (To Me) Car

As 2022 rounded the corner, I waited patiently for my lawyer to call; or, maybe it was impatiently. I wanted to go back to work.

Thankfully, I had a little bit of money set aside, but I knew it wasn't going to last too long. So, I kept my bills paid while I anxiously waited for the okay to go and get another vehicle from Car Mart.

I finally was able to get my paperwork gathered from the accident report and I went back to Car-Mart to pick up a PT Cruiser to drive.

At first, I loved the little car. It was roomy enough to do what I had to do to work.

My lawyer called me in February and told me to come get a check. The insurance company was giving her a hard time, so she held her ground for me and demanded not only the reimbursement for the vehicle, but also reimbursment for the time I had to miss work because of the accident. I received about $4,000.

I caught up on my bills, and put the rest in my brokerage account, which I named "The God Account", because God used it to buffer me in hard times.

My practice, up to that point and afterwards, was to put 10% of my earnings in the account and buy stocks with it, then watch God grow it, until it was needed.

I was able to obtain new health insurance through the marketplace. I had no idea how much of it I would need.

And, for a little bit, I was happy again.

Then, my mom called and asked me what I would do with $3,000 if she gave it to me.

I told her I would buy stocks with it and invest it, what I didn't need to pay my bills.

She gave me $3,000 and told me it was my "inheritance". She was disbursing her savings to all of her children.

This seemed strange to me. But, I accepted it. My mom was the type of person to do stuff like this on a whim. I came to the conclusion that it was just her character to try to do stuff so people would revere her in a positive light, in spite of her common demeanor. And, she was getting on with age. She was about 70 years old.

I started finding it harder and harder to climb the stairs each day, after work, when I would come home. My body started to rebell. I felt that there was something wrong, so I got a doctor's appointment.

After a lot of bloodwork, my doctor suspected I might have Lupus. She sent me to a specialist in Tyler. All I knew was that I hurt all over.

The doctor in Tyler did a few tests, then said, "Ms. Ponder, you have 'wear and tear' arthritis all over your body!"

I praised God, because I didn't want to have Lupus.

She prescribed me Celecoxib for my arthritis and sent me home. There was nothing we could do about the arthritis but manage it. And, working at McDonald's or Burger King was never going to be an option for me again.

I thought about the fact that God had given me the driving gigs just in time for my health to go south. It was all I could for a living at that point, and it was all that prevented me from the necessity of trying to get social security disability. I made way too much money doing what I was doing for that!

But, I also came to realization that I needed a back-up vehicle in case my car broke down, because without it, I was stuck without a way to make a living. It became my goal to try to save up for another "plan b" vehicle.

During the Spring, my nephew had a birthday coming up. He invited us all to float down the river as a family for fun that day.

My mom, step-dad, sister, her husband, my niece, other nephew and his girlfriend and his wife and a few other friends all gathered for river tubing and a cookout party at his house. There were about 20 of us. It was about an hour's drive to Malvern, Arkansas for the event.

As we all gathered at the river, my sister asked me if I wanted to use some of her sun screen. I refused. After all, we would be in the water, surely I wouldn't get too hot.

Clearly, I wasn't thinking straight.

By the time I got home, I had 2nd degree burns all over my legs. There were bubbles forming. And, I was fatigued and in pain.

I had received a noticed for jury duty, and I was looking forward to it, actually; but, I was so burnt I had to go to the emergency room to get my burns checked out.

They gave me colloidal silver to rub on my legs and told me to rest and stay cool.

So, I missed about 4 days of work, and my savings was being depleted for the bills I had.

And then, just when I was healed up enough to go to work, it happened:

I got up one morning and decided I was healed enough to try to work, and I got dressed and started to walk out the door. By the time I got to the door, I was so fatigued that I turned around and went to my bed and laid down and slept for about 4 hours.

I woke up feeling fine, so I started to go again. I got to the door and another wave of fatigue hit me.

Something was clearly "not right". I tested myself with my home test kit, and I had come down with COVID.

I had to miss another week of work.

I was starting to get very concerned because I had to work, because my savings was going to disappear if I didn't. I was already dipping into the money that my mom gave me.

After a week of recuperation, I set out to go back to work.

I was doing good. I was fast replenishing my savings account, when, one day, I ran over something while turning onto the ramp off of interstate and something put a hole in my radiator. It quickly drained, and my car was running hot.

CarMart would not cover the repairs, so I had to miss work, and pay for a new radiator.

Then, I needed a new alternator.

Then, my trunk latch got stuck, so I couldn't open my trunk and I had a flat tire. I had to call my cousin to help me go get a new tire because I couldn't get to my spare. My cousin lived over an hour away from me, and he was the only person who would help me.

When I asked for help on social media, I started getting negative reactions. People said I should get another job.

I could not make anyone understand that I was doing the only thing I could do to make a living and that I felt "called" to do it.

It became clear to me that I needed another vehicle, or this vehicle was going to break me, and I would have no way to make a living.

I prayed to God for relief. I just wanted to work and pay my bills. Serving God where I was would be a whole lot easier if I didn't have to worry about whether or not my job was going to still be there tomorrow.

But, I had faith. I knew God was in control, and I knew I needed patience and perserverance.

Little did I know that my whole life was about to be turned upside down.