My relationship with my dad was always rocky, but he was my daddy, and I loved him. But, I was advised that due to his volitile personality, it was probably best that I didn't go to see him. It was in my best interest that I didn't. I knew, at that point, that I would never see my daddy alive again.
My dad had always had heart problems. But, about two months before, he was informed he had lung cancer. He was put on hospice. He was too old for a transplant, so there was no hope. Ironically, it was liver failure that killed him.
Two days later, I got the call that he had passed. I went to the hospital to be with the family and made phone calls to let my mom know (they had divorced when I was two years old), and some other close extended family. I supported my aunt, who was named executor to the will, until she informed me that there was nothing else for me to do, and then I went back to work until the funeral.
I was truly grateful for my aunt, who was in charge of getting everything in order. I don't think I could have done anything at that point. I was not mentally or financially capable, due to my current situation. I was just as thankful that my nephew had been there when he passed. He was the apple of my daddy's eye.
I continued to work on survival mode as I went through this.
About the same time this was going on, I was informed that my friend, Gary, who had lived with me in the trailer in New Boston, had brain cancer. He wasn't going to survive that, either.
Around mid-July, he passed away. I did what I could to contact his sister, and to help Fred, my other friend who was living with him, to move out of the apartment and get a bus ticket to New Mexico where he thought he would be okay.
A week after Fred left, I was informed that my former "live-in maid", who was living in the same apartment complex that Gary and Fred had been in, was found lifeless in her bathtub.
In less than two months, I had lost my baby dogs, my dad, and three of my closest best friends.
I stayed in the Texarkana area, working, still on survival mode, trying to get through one day at a time, in spite of all the bills I had accumalated.
The ground underneath me was shaky. I was begging God for some relief, but no relief was in site.
One day, as I was driving off the ramp from the loop to get onto New Boston Road, a construction driver decided to turn right from the left lane as I was passing him. I swerved, but not before he dented my driver side door and damaged my rear bumper.
There was no damage done to his vehicle, and I chose not to call the cops, because I needed to work and there would be too much paperwork involved and it would have cost the guy his job. What's a little dent?
Now my car was banged up, and I was still on survival mode. And, the weather was getting cold.
I called my mom to ask if she would rent me her extra bedroom. She said no.
Now I was even more angry at my mother. I was so angry that I didn't even want to talk to her.
She called me one night when it was freezing outside and said, "I am still your mother." I said, "I am still your daughter."
She said, "How are you?"
I said, "How do you think I am? I am sleeping in my car and it is freezing outside!"
She said, "Well, that's not good." And then, she hung up on me.
She called again a few days later, asking how I was doing.
I asked her why she even asked, since she wasn't going to help me. She hung up on me.
So, yes, I was angry.
I was hurt.
I was grieving.
I was stressed out from all the bills and worry about my car.
I had every negative emotion in the book.
But, I kept moving forward. I kept paying my bills. I kept working. And, I kept praying - HARD.
I was angry at God, too. But, I knew He had a plan. I knew He was in control. I knew there was a reason, even if I didn't know what the reason was, and I kept asking Him for it.
In October, there was a big rain storm. Water got in my radiator. I ended up having to borrow more money for three transmission flushes, on top of everything else that was wrong with the car.
In November, my car started acting up again. I suspected the transmission was going to go out again, but I knew I didn't have enough credit to obtain the money to fix it. What was I going to do?
God opened a door.
I payed off my biggest revolving loan, which was about $3,500. I re-borrowed that money, then got my bills caught up.
I then got on the Lyft app and rented a vehicle. It would cost me $350/week to drive it, and I would have to go to Bedford, Texas to pick it up. But, at least I wouldn't have to worry about my car breaking down on me as I worked. And, I could work in the Dallas area, where the money was good.
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