I walked into an automotive place on New Boston Road that my Uncle suggested, saying they could help me finance the repairs. It was my only option.
The man behind the counter was talking to a customer. When he finished, I explained my situation to him.
He said, "I'm sorry, but we don't work on those types of transmissions."
I felt my heart drop. "What can I do?" Driving is all I can do for a living. This was my only hope, and it was crushed.
This shop had not been open for very long. The business was slow there, getting started.
That night, the man I talked to had a dream. God came to him and said, "Help her, and I will bless you." He later told me that he had tossed and turned all night.
The next day, he messaged me on Facebook, "Miss Ponder, come by the shop. We will help you. We will get you some financing and you can get back on the road."
So, I went back, still stinging from the previous rejection, but more than willing to give him a second chance.
He helped me obtain another loan, and kept my car for nearly three weeks as they waited for another transmission to come in.
By this time, I was so far behind on rent that I knew I wasn't going to be able to catch up before an eviction notice was sent out, so I decided that the best thing I could do was go ahead and move out of my apartment.
The decision was heartbreaking.
I had to take my two baby dogs to Bernice, Louisiana to live with some step-cousins who had kept them before when I was in a bind. I knew they would have a good home there, but it broke my heart to see them go. I knew I would never get them back again.
Another cousin, who was waiting on his disability, offered me a place to stay until I could get back on my feet.
So, I loaded what I could and moved in with them as I waited.
I had to leave everything I couldn't carry behind. I had no where to put it.
While I waited for my car to be repaired, my cousin's wife started throwing illogical fits over little things. A drop of tea on the table that I didn't wipe up, not realizing it was there. My room being so crowded with my belongings, because I didn't have room for it all to go in the closet. The fact that I would work and buy a Whopper Jr for lunch, even though I ate supper with them at night.
It got to the point, they started attacking me on Facebook.
I decided it was the wrong place to be, given my situation.
Another friend offered me shelter, so I got my clothes and what I absolutely needed, and let my cousins have everything else, and I left. And, I blocked them on Facebook.
I stayed with my friends for about two weeks, until I got my car back. I got my car back just in time, too, because they were adopting a little boy, and the state was going to come and do inspections on their home, so they asked me to leave so they could prepare for that. The car had also had the starter and censor replaced.
I got a shipping post mail box and a storage unit for my belongings. I had to have them.
I tried to stay at the Randy Sam's Homeless shelter, but I didn't like the restrictions on my work hours. Truly, I found it more comfortable sleeping in my car than at the shelter, so I moved out of the shelter and took showers at the truck stop.
I decided to go to the Dallas area and work, to try to make more money. So, I put my blankets, pillows, suitcase and hygiene kit into my car and took off.
I worked in the Dallas area for about a month, until the last part of May. I slept at a truck stop in the Denton area, because I hated the traffic in Dallas. But, I was fast catching up on my bills.
One day, as I came off the ramp coming out of the Dallas International Airport, my transmission fault light came on again.
My mind raced. What was I going to do now? I was in Dallas. There was no one here who could help me. The only thing I knew to do was to try to make it back to Texarkana in my car.
I drove all the way back to Texarkana, fighting the transmission. I got the car in the shop parking lot and handed the keys to my mechanic. They tried to get the car into the stall, but at that point, it wasn't going anywhere. I was blessed to have made it there at all!
I had to take out another loan - and another credit card. To make a long story short, by the end of 2023, I had FIFTEEN loans, credit cards and revolving loans, and countless gifts and loans from friends to get me through. I was $35,000 in debt because of that car.
The dealership wouldn't even let me trade it in, due to the negative equity on the car.
Every time I took my car into the mechanic's shop, he would tell me, "Miss Ponder, this car is possessed. We don't like it. It don't like YOU. You need to get RID of it!"
I would tell him, "I know. I know. But, I don't have the money for a down payment on another car. I don't have the credit for one. There is too much negative equity on this car. Just get me back on the road, and I promise you I will bless when I am able."
This time, he was gracious enough to let me even sleep on his couch while he repaired my car.
This man didn't know me from Adam. He was bending over backwards to help me when I needed it. His business was flourishing, and he truly believed it was because God was blessing him for it, so he helped me.
The apartment complex I had moved out of, at this time, slapped me with a $5,000 clean-up fee. If I had had $5,000, I would have never had to move. Now, I couldn't get another apartment even if I wanted to, until that was paid.
I was on survival mode. All I could do was continue to work every day, from daylight until dark, seven days a week.
When I got my car back, I decided to stay in the Texarkana area, because I didn't trust my car and I wanted to be near help in case something went wrong.
I had to replace the water pump, thermostat and housing a few weeks later. The front bumper was falling off, and the engine guard was dragging the ground. I had to have that removed.
Well meaning friends were telling me to file for bankruptcy. They felt it was my only option. I prayed about it, and came to the conclusion that if I filed for bankruptcy, I would have to give up all my loan accounts. Right now, as long as I was paying on the loans, I could re-borrow the money as needed for emergencies. If I filed for bankruptcy, I would have nothing to fall back on and would end up destitute. So, I chose not to do that.
I ended up having to block people on Facebook who were telling me how stupid I was for not doing that. It was as if everyone wanted to see me fail and be on the streets with no way out. All I wanted was to survive.
I prayed to God. I begged Him for a break. I was angry, stressed out, hurt, and on survival mode. I kept asking God why all these things were happening. What had I done to deserve it.
It was June now.
I continued to trust God, even though the ground was shaky and I was fearful.
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