Sometimes God tells you to "sit still and wait". That is what I was doing, although it was impatiently waiting. However, I knew that God had a plan. I just didn't know what it was. All I could do was wait for Him to move.
2023 rolled around.
Around the middle of February, I was still doing what I had to to make a living, not making as much as I could have been making, and growing more impatient by the day.
One night, after a long day of work, I came home to my two baby dogs, Milo and Otis, and I crawled into bed for a good night's sleep so I could try to make more money the next day to pay my bills with. My savings was nearly gone. I knew God had to do something quick. I was already doing everything I could do alone.
That night, I had a dream. It was a very clear, very vivid dream. It was different than any other dream I have ever had. It was clearly God.
He came to me in a bright flash of light. There was light all around me. I couldn't see his face, but His presence was there. Then, I heard a voice come out of the light:
"Shonda! I want you to give up everything you have. You still have to work, and you will need a mailbox. Get a shipping post mailbox for your mail. Then, I want you put what you ABSOLUTELY NEED in a storage unit. I want you to move into your car and out of your apartment. Then, I want you to travel and tell people the story that I am about to give you."
Then, I woke up. It was morning.
I immediately felt compelled to post the dream on Facebook.
"Hey, ya'll, I had this weird dream last night..."
I told them what happened.
People started responding. Some said, "God would never ask you to do that!"
No? I guess he didn't ask Abraham to take his family out of Ur of the Chaldees and go to a land He was going to show him. And, He wouldn't ask Noah to build a boat in the middle of the desert when it had never rained before. And, Jesus didn't tell the rich young ruler to go and sell all that he had and give it to the poor and "come and follow me"?
"It's too dangerous to be an Uber driver in a place you don't know!"
Oh? Please! It's no more dangerous than working at a convenient store. Their are MILLIONS of Uber drivers in the world. We only hear about the bad incidents from the media. Their job is to make you live in fear! 365 times in the Bible, God said, "Do not fear, for I am with you!"
"You are an older woman. You don't need to be travelling alone. What if something bad happens?"
Okay. What if something bad happens NOW, while I am here in Texarkana? Where will my help come from. Last time I checked, no one is helping me when I need it so far. I can figure it out out there, just like I do here.
But, I was living in a one bedroom apartment, overlooking a swimming pool, with my two baby dogs I've had for ten years, and as long as I can work full force, I'm making good money. Why would I want to change anything?
So, I put the dream away and forgot about it. After all, it WAS just a dream. Right?
I finally got my tags in February.
A week after I got the tags, I was working night time hours when the transmission fault light came on. No problem, I thought. I'd just go home and take my car to the dealership and get it checked out in the morning.
The next morning, I took the car in, and they said I needed a new transmission. I would have to pay $200 for the warranty to cover it. So, I gave them the money, took an Uber home and waited.
After a couple of days, I went back and asked them how long I would have to wait for the transmission. I was told that they didn't know. Ford Motor Company was on strike. They were no longer making transmissions for this type of vehicle right now, everything is on back order. They could get a used transmission, possibly, but did I really want one? Only one in five transmissions in that type of vehicle worked right, anyway.
Had I known all of this, I would not have bought the vehicle. But, right now, I was stuck. So I asked for a loaner.
They had a deal with Avis rent-a-car. The first five days was free, after that, I would have to pay $30 a day to keep driving it, and the bill had to be paid for the rental before I could receive my car.
My savings was depleted. I was only able to do deliveries in the rental, and I was getting behind on rent. I started begging for help, in spite of all the negative reactions on Facebook. I just wanted my car back so I could go back to work...so I wouldn't HAVE to ask for help.
I took out a credit card to sustain me until I could get the car back. I needed it. God opened that door, so I took it.
But, the credit card was not enough to pay for the rental so I could get my car back, after a month and a half of waiting. So, a friend stepped in and generously gave me the balance of what I needed.
It was at this point that I started a google sheet and started listing everyone who gave me anything to help me, along with how much they gave. I determined to make sure everyone got paid back.
When I finally got my car back, I was a little behind on rent, but my apartment manager was working with me. I had been honest about my situation. I set out to work from daylight until dark, seven days a week, until I could get caught up.
I praised God that I was able to go back to work, while, at the same time, thanking Him for the help I had received.
I drove around for about three weeks, trying to catch up on my bills. My savings was gone, and now I had more bills, due to the credit card I had taken out, so I had no choice but to work harder, longer hours, more days, and even nights. Then, my transmission fault light came on again.
So, the next day I went back to the dealership.
"We are sorry, Ms. Ponder, but the mileage that you put on the car due to your Uber driving has expired the warranty. We can't help you, unless you want to pay $4500."
I had no money. I was behind on rent still. I took out another credit card, but it wasn't enough to pay the repairs. Some good Samaritans helped me with my bills enough that I could catch up, but getting behind again was eminent - especially if I couldn't make a living!
I went back to Facebook to beg for help again. The negative reactions came out in force. I was accused of being a bum asking for handouts, when I all I wanted to do was go back to work! I would pay them back, I promised!
Someone told me I should go and ask my church. Every member of my church family was friends with me on Facebook. So, I responded that I WAS asking my church. After all, you ARE the church!
Then I was reprimanded for not going to church every Sunday by people who had not been following my feed. That is when I came to the knowledge that going to church does not make you a good Christian. Going to church is supposed to teach you to be a good Christian when you LEAVE the church building. I began to preach on that.
It did not bother me that people thought less of me for my struggles, because I knew that God knew what I going through and why. And, I knew that God was still in control. But, it did bother me that those people liked to brag about their Christianity and say they would pray for me, not understanding that prayer without action is void. You don't live a sinful life and ask for God's blessing, expecting to receive it.
And, then, it caused me to question God again: "God, what am I doing wrong that all this is happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?"
I was stressed, and even more angry at my mom, because if she had agreed to co-sign for me, I would have had a much better car.
At this point, I was paying $421 a month on a car that I couldn't drive, and I was getting even further behind on my bills because driving was all I could do for a living. What was I going to do?
I started praying to God for an Angel to step in and help me.
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